Jim Gaffigan Quotes

The Bible represents a fundamental guidepost for millions of people on the planet, in much the same way the Koran, Torah, and Pali Canon offer guidance to people of other religions. If you and I could dig up documentation that contradicted the holy stories of Islamic belief, Judaic belief, Buddhist belief, pagan belief, should we do that? Should we wave a flag and tell the Buddhists that the Buddha did not come from a lotus blossom? Or that Jesus was not born of a literal virgin birth? Those who truly understand their faiths understand the stories are metaphorical.

I'm sure this Jesus will not do Either for Englishman or Jew.

I got a imam, I got a rabbi, I got a priest, I got a reverend - I got 'em all. But I don't want to be holier-than-thou. I want to help everybody and still get some (sex).

In the electoral campaign, President Bush named as the most important person in his life Jesus . Now he has a unique chance to prove that he meant it seriously: for him, as for all Americans today, "Love thy neighbor!" means "Love the Muslims!" OR IT MEANS NOTHING AT ALL.

I want to be myself. That's when you feel the most comfortable, that's when you have the most success, and that's when you're the most happy.

Today I personally believe that while Jesus came to open the door to God's house, all human beings can walk through that door, whether they know about Jesus or not. Today I see it as my call to help every person claim his or her own way to God.

Even people who don't share my specific faith (denomination, beliefs, etc.) are typically enthusiastic about my profession of faith in God and my commitment to living to God-given standards.

A recent Pew Study revealed that 70% of Americans with a religious affiliation say that many religions lead to eternal life. Some people might think that "surely the statistics among evangelical Christians is different." Not by much.

I don't know what you all believe, and I don't really care ... but you have to admit that beliefs are odd. Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks ... you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross?

I don't mind that people have questions and would look for someone to respond to their questions, particularly if their faith is not terribly well-known.

I'm not convinced that Jesus only lives in Christians.

Jesus said, 'Go ... and make disciples,' not converts to your opinions.

There's truth in every religion. Christians believe that there's truth in every religion. But we just believe that there's one savior. We believe we can learn truth - I've learned a lot of truth from different religions. Because they all have a portion of the truth. I just believe there is one savior, Jesus Christ.

This is something that I'm sure I'd have serious debates with my fellow Christians about. I think that the difficult thing about any religion, including Christianity, is that at some level there is a call to evangelize and prostelytize. There's the belief, certainly in some quarters, that people haven't embraced Jesus Christ as their personal savior that they're going to hell.

For those who have asked, I freely confess that Jesus Christ is my personal Savior, and that I seek His guidance in all that I do.

We want to assure you...that if you seek Him you will find Him. Jesus casts out none who come unto Him.

I don't want to go anywhere where Jesus can't go.

Of publishing a book on religion, my dear sir, I never had an idea. I should as soon think of writing for the reformation of Bedlam, as of the world of religious sects. Of these there must be, at least, ten thousand, every individual of every one of which believes all wrong but his own.

If a Hindu wants to find the way to God, he has the right to go to any priest, nun or any other person.

What Planned Parenthood is doing is not the faith that I believe in, but Jesus never ordered anyone to be killed and he never raised his hand to injure anyone specifically. But Mohammed did and there is a big difference in this.

If the universalists are correct in saying that everyone is going to be in heaven regardless of what they believe, or the pluralists are correct that all religions lead to the same god, then the horrific death of Jesus Christ was completely unnecessary.

We pray when there's nothing else we can do; Jesus wants us to pray before we do anything at all.

If there is one thing for which we stand in this country, it is for complete religious freedom, and it is an emphatic negation of this right to cross-examine a man on his religion before being willing to support him for office.

I am surrounded here by parsons and methodists, but as you will see, not infested with the mania.

The Elders would go forth, and each must stand for himself...to go in all meekness, in sobriety, and preach Jesus Christ and Him crucified; not to contend with others on account of their faith, or systems of religion, but pursue a steady course. This I delivered by way of commandment; and all who observe it not, will pull down persecution upon their heads, while those who do, shall always be filled with the Holy Ghost; this I pronounced as a prophecy, and sealed with hosanna and amen.