Benjamin Spock Quotes

An imaginary baby is so much easier than a real baby. No diapers to change.

No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.

Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible.

It's so much baby and so much amniotic fluid, it's crazy. If we have a 10 pounder, pray for me!

I've been doing things myself in the sense that I haven't had a night nurse or anything like that, so I've spent every night with baby except for the nights that I've had to travel.

I had twins, so it was really uncomfortable [to sleep], because you lay on one side, and there's a baby, and you lay on the other side and there's a baby. So I had a really hard time with it.

When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat.

Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.

Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.

I admire the women who can have babies and jump right back to work. As a nursing mother, I couldn’t sit there and just pump all day. I needed to be close to my baby.

Being touched and caressed, being massaged, is food for the infant; food as necessary as minerals, vitamins, and proteins. Deprived of this food, the name of which is love, Babies would rather die. And often they do.

I love my babies so much that I could kiss them all day long..as a job. I could be a professional baby kisser. No joke.

Feeding a baby is like filling a hole with putty - you get it in and then you sort of shave off all the excess around the hole and get it back in, like you're spackling.

The joys of motherhood are not excessively apparent during the first few weeks of a baby's life.

Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantless when your baby walks around pantless.

I was raised as a red diaper baby.

Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

Let your first interest be in your home. The baby you hold in your arms will grow quickly as the sunrise and the sunset of the rushing days.

Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world's worst roommate.

Babies are like the smallest, drunkest people you know.

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

Women know the way to rear up children (to be just). They know a simple, merry, tender knack of tying sashes, fitting baby-shoes, and stringing pretty words that make no sense. And kissing full sense into empty words.

The realities of getting up in the morning with two children and being covered in spit-up and totally filthy make me excited to imagine clothes that aren't made for baby puke. Dressing nicely is a dream now.

If you can't feed your baby, then don't have a baby.

I feel sorry for little babies... When a little baby is born into this cold world, he's confused! He's frightened! He needs something to cheer him up... The way I see it, as soon as a baby is born, he should be issued a banjo!