Christopher Buckley Quotes

We forget just how painfully dim the world was before electricity. A candle, a good candle, provides barely a hundredth of the illumination of a single 100 watt light bulb.

People are always talking about the old days. They say that the old movies were better, that the old actors were so great. But I don't think so. All I can say about the old days is that they have passed.

Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that.

It's not good to make sentimental journeys. You see the differences instead of the sameness.

I cannot sing the old songs now! It is not that I deem them low, 'Tis that I can't remember how They go.

So the next thing I assume I'll be hearing from Republicans, they want to change rules some way, as they do on the House when you get a problem with ethics, they just change the rules.

That's all gone, now, the old, Hollywood.

People are clamoring to hear good ideas as opposed to the lesser of two evils... Either the Democrats are going to win or the Republicans are going to win, but the losers are all of us out here as citizens that really do want meaningful change, and none of it's happening. There's no dialogue regarding meaningful change.

But I knew - in the old days, if a song was a good song, I don't care if it was 'Yellow Submarine' or, you know, or 'The Times They Are a-Changin' or 'Don't Be Cruel', you knew it, you know? You heard that song, and you were talking about it, and you knew it.

We may think there is willpower involved, but more likely... change is due to want power. Wanting the new addiction more than the old one. Wanting the new me in preference to the person I am now.

My mom was scared of the old Times Square so I was never allowed to go. Now I'm scared of the new Times Square, so I still never go.

I can change a diaper in 30 seconds flat. I set the new one beneath the old one. That way, it's just wipe and pull the flap over.

Republicans are not a political party. It's a mental condition.

I have to say, after hanging out with Republicans for four days, I want to take a look at my own birth certificate. I don't think I was born in this country.

It's so mental how I looked in the '90s. The fact that I thought my ponytail was a good thing - it was just terrible. Cutting it off was so monumental.

I prefer the new me a million times more over than the old one.

Really, what's not to love in John McCain, satire-wise? As if he had not already been good enough to us, then came his nomination of Sarah Palin. Here, truly, was a gift from the gods of satire.

Republicans are good at standing by their candidate.

Comics fans want new stuff that looks exactly like the old stuff. It is hard for the publishers, and even the audience, to change something.

Only with a new ruler do you realize the value of the old.

My family [old-line Nebraska Republicans] can't figure out which is worse, being a Democrat or being an attorney.

Republicans? Let me tell you about Republicans. They voted against Medicare. They voted against better old age pensions. Republicans! How can you possibly vote for people who vote against their own mothers? On November fifth, vote for Hubert Humphrey. He’ll take care of your mother.

The Republicans got everything but the Democratic donkey.

My Book About A Really Mean Car That Kills People Was Pretty Scary. But Not As Scary As Those Scary Republicans

Even while I protest the assembly-line production of our food, our songs, our language, and eventually our souls, I know that it was a rare home that baked good bread in the old days. Mother’s cooking was with rare exceptions poor, that good unpasteurized milk touched only by flies and bits of manure crawled with bacteria, the healthy old-time life was riddled with aches, sudden death from unknown causes, and that sweet local speech I mourn was the child of illiteracy and ignorance. It is the nature of a man as he grows older, a small bridge in time, to protest against change, particularly change for the better.