Kristen Schaal Quotes

I think I am really irreverent and I pretty much just talk to and about men the way men talk to and about women.

Women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.”

We were always told not to wear skirts that were too short, because what will the male teachers think of you? Or, when we started sharing classes with boys in sixth form, what will they think of you if you are wearing a miniskirt to lessons?

Obviously, guys don't deal with the same level of criticism if they show off their bodies. Russian President Vladimir Putin literally staged a goofy shirtless photo shoot to show the people of Russia how 'handsome' and 'fit' he is. No one questioned his ability to lead a country as a result, although a lot of people did crack jokes about it.

Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

If your pussy was so good, you would drive a better car.

I was looking at the Trump hits on me, I have to confess, all of which made me laugh. And I thought, you know, he never goes after guys' looks. He only does the looks thing with women. And then I found this one. "Lawrence will soon be off TV, bad ratings, he has a face made for radio." So, he has gone after, at least one guy, on looks.

[W]hen I see men callously and cheerfully denying women the full use of their bodies, while insisting with sobs and howls on the satisfaction of their own, I simply can't find it heroic, or kind, or anything but pretty rotten and feeble.

When you're coming out new, it's harder as a girl to gain fans because most of them are girls, and they can be like, 'Do we like her?' If I were a boy, it'd be much easier.

In men's sports, people criticize coaches and managers all the time, call out teammates, too, and it's not that huge of a deal. Often, the guy speaking out is even lauded for having the courage to tell the truth. When it happens in women's sports, though, it always seems to be viewed as a nasty, claws-out cat fight.

Ever since Eve gave Adam that forbidden fruit, demonizing and disbelieving women has been the planet-wide policy. You don't need to reach back to the Pleistocene to see the truth of that.

Dishonesty in a woman is a thing you never blame deeply.

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.

A woman fallen has no future; a man risen has no past.

We often laughed at others in our house, and I picked up the craft of being polite while people were present and laughing later if there was anything to laugh about.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

The double standard of morality will survive in this world so long as the woman whose husband has been lured away is favoured with the sympathetic tears of other women, and a man whose wife has made off is laughed at by other men.

If you meet a girl who has slept with 100 guys, you will think something of her you wouldn't think of a guy who slept with 100 girls.

How come everybody cheers when chicks flash their T&A, but when I pull out my D&Bs, i'm a registered sex offender.

Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except maybe 'senator.

Dory is what Mum used to call a "strong-looking woman," which means that, from the back, she looked like a man, and, from the front, you preferred the back

Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

I read recently that women still make 30% less than men in the workplace. Which I think is fine, cause if we didn't make 30% more, you guys would marry each other.

Have you ever known me to be rude to a lady?" "I have seen you be intentionally rude to a woman. I have never seen you be rude to a lady.