Steven Wright Quotes

If you didn't have patents, no one would bother to spend money on research and development. But with patents, if someone has a good idea and a competitor can't copy it, then that competitor will have to think of their own way of doing it. So then, instead of just one innovator, you have two or three people trying to do something in a new way.

Never steal jokes.

Comedy is the ultimate truth. Jazz is hitting the notes that that no one else would hit, and comedy is saying words that no one else would say.

All good things which exist are the fruits of originality.

Well, you might as well imitate your own program because if you don't, someone else will.

There are a lot of songs that would ostensibly be a good candidate for parody, yet I can't think of a clever enough idea.

If you ever have the good fortune to create a great advertising campaign, you will soon see another agency steal it. This is irritating, but don't let it worry you; nobody has ever built a brand by imitating somebody else's advertising.

A good picture is equivalent to a good deed.

I'd love to do comedy. And I think I have pretty good sense of comic timing, so I'd really like to try that.

I think if you're trying to be funny, sometimes you're bending a piece of metal in a direction it doesn't want to go. And sometimes comedy just needs to find itself.

People try to put ownership on things: 'That's mine, that's my joke.' No such thing. Like if you tripped or stumbled and people go, 'Oh, that's Charlie Chaplin.' You know what I mean? You can't own a joke. You can be the guy that tells it the best, but you can't own a joke. Nowhere can you own a laugh.

Someone gave me a piece of advice once, my first manager Lucien Hold. He said, 'If you do stand-up about your own life, no one can steal it.' I always thought that was the best piece of advice.

I get just as much of a thrill out of constructing a good sentence that gets a laugh at the end as I do from a joke.

When you come up with a good idea, you don't have to do a whole lot. The idea does it for you.

I was changing a light bulb over Groucho Marx's bed, so I took my shoes off, got on his bed and changed the bulb. When I got off the bed he said: 'That's the best acting you've ever done.'

A good idea plus capable men cannot fail; it is better than money in the bank.

Comedy is surprise. Comedy is not something that you can, necessarily, do twice.

I'm not really good at anyone's songs but my own.

How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before.

I value humor, kindness, and the ability to tell a good story far more than money, status, or the kind of car someone drives.

Being an outsider helps breed comedy.

I just try to keep it fresh without sacrificing funny.

I think comedy has to come from your authentic point of view.

That's the biggest thing: be kind and be original.

I don't want nobody to ever say, 'I coulda done that beat' or 'I know where you got that from.'