P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

In proceeding to the dining-room, the gentleman gives one arm to the lady he escorts--it is unusual to offer both.

If you are going to worry all night, you should let the hostess know that you're coming for cocktails and leaving when everyone sits down for dinner. If you do need to call to check in, people will understand, but excuse yourself from the table and head to the ladies room to do it.

At the dinner table, if you can't think of anything to say, sit quietly. Don't throw rolls, or chew on your napkin.

To dismiss a guest is a more ungracious act than not to admit him at all.

She was a woman who, between courses, could be graceful with her elbows on the table.

Do not speak of repulsive matters at table.

Never laughing too loudly in a restaurant no matter how good the joke.

Avoid banquets which are given by strangers an ignorant persons. But if there is ever occasion to join them, let your attention be carefully fixed, that you slip not into the manner of the vulgar (the uninstructed).

I think the sort of person you want at a party is someone who is self-aware, polite and has a basic knowledge of table manners. And that goes for both men and women.

Shh! Don't talk with your mouth full.

Don't hit the person across from you with bits of toast, And don't, when dinner is nearly through, say 'Who's the host' It isn't done.

I was expected to sit at the table, learn how to eat properly.

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

The Australian Book of Etiquette is a very slim volume.

When I was growing up, my family was serious about manners. I always wanted to put my elbow on the table to prop my head up. I didn't understand how other people looked awake. My head felt so heavy after the whole day.

I am one who leaves the table like a man, without putting back the chair or picking up the plate

Speake not of a dead man at the table.

The basic meaning of etiquette is to be quick at both the beginning and end and tranquil in the middle.

Don’t lick the guests, darling. Bad manners.

The table robbes more then a thiefe.

Basil Stag Hare tut-tutted severely as he remarked to Ambrose Spike, 'Tch, tch. Dreadful table manners. Just look at those three wallahs, kicking up a hullaballoo like that! Eating's a serious business.

I don't want to hear any words like that while I'm here. Scout, you'll get in trouble if you go around saying things like that. You want to grow up to be a lady, don't you?' I said not particularly.

A civil guest Will no more talk all, than eat all the feast.

Howard and Shirley were clothed, always, in an invisible layer of decorum that they never laid aside.

You can fake your way to the table, but ultimately you have to learn how to eat.