Dave Barry Quotes

A lot of people like to say that they have trouble getting gifts. I have trouble giving them. It's not out of a lack of generosity, mind you. My fallback is to go big, no matter what the occasion.

I love shopping for guys! A watch is a fantastic gift idea - an oversized, stainless steel version with links is classic and cool.

Many of us, if pressed, would admit that we'd prefer a cash gift to another pair of pajamas or bestselling novel. But giving the green can make even the best of us uncomfortable - the etiquette is confusing, and those who relish picking out the perfect something can miss some of the fun.

I can't even give my father a proper gift. Every single Father's Day means so much to me. I'm so close to him. He's my big brother, but also my father.

My Dad always told me ‘Flowers mean I’m sorry, chocolates mean I love you.’

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

I like to look for gifts throughout the year. If I find the perfect item for someone, I put it in my "gift closet" and keep it for the next holiday. But I often get too excited and just give it to them before!

Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They're the one who picked it out!

If your dad is anything like mine, then you have no clue what to buy him for Father's Day. The only Father's Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, 'Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father's Day this year?' and he says, 'Nothing.' Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, 'He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No. 5 perfume.'

If, at any time, it comes into my head, that a present is due from me to somebody, I am puzzled what to give, until the opportunity is gone.

Father's Day just be Mother's Day the sequel.

Never having been in love, this is going to be a real trick. I think of my parents. The way my father never failed to bring her gifts from the woods. The way my mother's face would light up at the sound of his boots at the door. The way she almost stopped living when he died.

Is twenty hundred kisses such a trouble?

Books make great gifts because... [they don't] come in any particular size, so you don't have to be embarrassed if you bought somebody the wrong size.

Most women would rather have someone whisper their name at optimum moments than rocket with contractions to the moon.

I'm a medical doctor by training. I'm a physician, not a politician. And I'm in this as a mother on fire.

See the hand that nursed the serpent. The fine hasped pipes of her fingerbones. The skin bewenned and speckled. The veins are milkblue and bulby. A thin gold ring set with diamonds. That raised the once child's heart of her to agonies of passion before I was. Here is the anguish of mortality. Hopes wrecked, love sundered. See the mother sorrowing. How everything that I was warned of's come to pass.

I don't want to seem ungrateful when you have given me this thoughtful, homemade and totally terrifying gift," Jamie told him. "But you can't imagine I'm going to use it." "Just to hold someone off. Just remember what I taught you," said Nick. "Just buy a little time so I can come get you. Jamie. I'll come get you.

Noble passions are like vices: the more they are satisfied, the greater they grow, Mothers and gamblers are insatiable.

St Paul said it is better to marry than to burn, but my mother taught me it is better to burn than to marry. She wanted to be a nun. She hoped I would be a priest and saved to give me an education while my friends plaited rope and trailed after the plough. I can't be a priest because although my heart is as loud as hers I can pretend no answering riot. I have shouted to God and the Virgin, but they have not shouted back and I'm not interested in the still small voice. Surely a god can meet passion with passion? She says he can. Then he should.

Lysander, when Dionysius sent him two gowns, and bade him choose which he would carry to his daughter, said, "She can choose best," and so took both away with him.

Every day, passion speaks to us through our feelings. That's why when you allow yourself to become anesthetized by what others think, you literally block yourself from living the life you were called to live. I promise you that if you make a choice that doesn't please your mate, your friends, your mother, or whoever, the world will not fall apart. The people who truly love you want you to love yourself.

How much do you love me?' Midori asked. 'Enough to melt all the tigers in the world to butter,' I said.

I'm a girl of extremes. When I love something, I'm like a puppy dog (without all the licking). When I'm cranky, I'm a wasp (like a whole hive of 'em). And when I'm angry, I'm a Mother Bear with a predator after her cubs: Dangerous.