Anthony Jeselnik Quotes

I'd heard that Lenny Bruce used a lot of profanity and obscenities in his act, and I was curious.

David Steinberg was the reason the Smothers Brothers got cancelled.

I also love the makers of South Park, because they're political, strong, and they're making all of these comments that would get you shot for if you did it in a drama.

Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads.

If you listen to Howard Stern, go back and listen to Lenny Bruce, so you can hear what real talent is.

Adam Carolla is like Hitler if Hitler wasn’t funny.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK. I am not going to bow to political correctness.

The jokes were perfect! Then George Carlin started talking about the seven dirty words you can't say on television, then it evolved into social commentary.

I'm looking to be the next comedy mogul.

I love playing in the UK because there are some topics that you just can't talk about in the States without getting run out of town. So let me just say this: Louis C. K.'s new show sucks.

I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if you got technical. A lot of this is just selective outrage because honestly, the audience are the ones that tell us that something shouldn't be spoken. The audience lets us know. And I've never, in my almost 30 years of being a comedian, seen a comedian continue to tell a joke that the audience doesn't respond to. I've never seen it.

Everybody tells jokes, but we still need comedians.

If somebody accuses you in a story of being a crook, you can demand that they prove it. But if a comic says it and you protest, people say, 'What's the matter, you can't take a joke?

I'm really ambitious about is being a really good comic and doing it for the rest of my life and getting really big. Not really famous because I want fame or attention, just a little freedom. So, that's where I'm ambitious.

If I had to pick the greatest team player in baseball today-and I have some of the greats on my own club-I would have to pick Pie Traynor.

I often say that ... I'm just involved in comedy, so I can be around it.

I know Dave [Attel] and we're friendly, and I have nothing but respect for him.

You live your comedic life close to the edge, you're gonna cross the line and offend people.

Comedy teams are a real hard thing to do. That's why you don't see any of them.

I haven't seen comedy as popular as it is now since when I started, in the late 1980s boom. It feels like that again, in that it's everywhere, and it's great to see.

I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.

I really wanted to, but I just didn't understand how people became comedians. I kind of thought it was something you were born into. And so I wanted to be a veterinarian or an architect. I wanted to be in a band, and for some reason I could understand how you could be in a band because I had guitars and all my friends played music. Comedy was a secret want, but it wasn't anything I pursued.

For years Paul Scholes has been one of the best players in the Premiership. He's incredible. He has always been under-rated throughout his career. He's a team player, a one and two-touch footballer who makes good decisions on the pitch and makes his team play.

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy - if they start to like you, they'll get a project going and call you in.

To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.