Abbi Jacobson Quotes

I'm the definition of half man, half drugs.

I did drugs for 18 years and I never got that bad as to say, 'You know what? I think the Kaiser Chiefs are brilliant.'

I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.

Our national drug is alcohol. We tend to regard the use any other drug with special horror.

It's one of the reasons I don't do drugs. One sniff and I'd go all the way.

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.

I wasn't even 20 at the time, but it taught me something about drugs. They can take a good man, a warm, funny, loving family man, and turn him into a loser and worse.

I think I did every drug known to mankind, smoked crack, boozed, dropped acid, you name it.

The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing. I said I believed in drug testing a long time ago. All through the sixties I tested everything.

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

Lamar, I don’t know what you smoke down there in Tennessee.

The parent is the first role model. As the parent lives, so will the child, and the use of drugs and alcohol in front of children is the worst thing that parents could do.

Drugs make me nervous, really, because I'm a control freak and I don't like to be out of control on drugs.

The motivations for using drugs, often it's pretty obvious and common: you know, peer pressure. You know, kids are struggling growing up.

Cold pizza is a perfect breakfast, with lots of salt.

The only sport I really get into is snowboarding. Cause that's the only sport where they perform a half pipe just after smoking a full pipe.

I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment.

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

Hey, ay, ay, ay...smoke weed everyday.

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

I'm glad I don't have a drinking problem,' I confided, 'because I don't think I'd ever be able to quit.

Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know - I've been using it for years.

When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.

All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if used as directed. Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. You should be inventing new drugs is what you should be doing! Newer, crazier drugs... and more holes, that's what you ladies need!