Fran Lebowitz Quotes

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

I'm like a really goofy home ec teacher.

When you don't have much money, cooking can be incredibly reassuring. You feel like you're doing meaningful work.

Is there any practice less selfish, any time less wasted than preparing something nourishing and delicious for the people you love?

When I'm working, I need to be pretty disciplined, but I do like to enjoy my food. I like to keep it fresh and wholesome. Preparing your own food can be a great way to unwind.

I believe in good, honest food. That's always been my ethos.

I don't believe pumpkin pie is even made from pumpkin. I mean, how can something that smells that shitty make a pie so sweet? There's not enough sugar in the universe.

I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

This is the most elaborate and luxurious method of convincing others that you can cook. Take everybody out on your yacht until they're green in the face. Then you can rave for weeks about your sauce marinara and no one will gainsay you.

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas."

Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

He [Chris Martin] can't have background music on. It has to be 100 percent of his attention. But if he isn't at home, I turn on the hip-hop. I'm like a bad mutha rapping along to every word as I cook.

I never see any home cooking - all I get is fancy stuff.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

Cooking? Oh we were great, you'd take anything and melt cheese on it, and the one who could guess what it was didn't have to wash up!

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

British women can't cook.

If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.

Food for thought is no substitute for the real thing.

[Crisco] ain't just for frying. You ever get a sticky something stuck in your hair,like gum?...That's right, Crisco. Spread this on a baby's bottom, you won't even know what diaper rash is...shoot, I seen ladies rub it under they eyes and on they husband's scaly feet...Clean the goo from a price tag, take the squeak out a door hinge. Lights get cut off, stick a wick in it and burn it like a candle....And after all that, it'll still fry your chicken.

Sometimes I'm real cool, but sometimes I could be a real asshole. I think everyone is like that.