Joan Rivers Quotes

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

My friends would howl if I claimed I was androgynous - I'm not tall enough!

What does being a woman today mean? Is there a right way of doing it? Is there a wrong way of doing it? Different kinds of women, female friendships: It's all pretty funny, and worth making fun of.

I adore Madonna. She reinvents herself like no one else.

I think Beyonce is every woman. She's superwoman, she's an extraordinary business woman, she's a force of fashion. She totally understands the way to communicate to millions and millions of fans.

To a straight man, the notion of walking around as a coiffed, waxed, nail-polish-wearing, lispy dude is uproariously absurd. As people, we find absurdities funny. That's our first step in making sense of them.

I felt like I grew up with Bowie. I never dressed like him, even though I did love the music, but consistently throughout my career he has been a go-to reference point: The suit from 'Young Americans,' or the gold Missoni-type looks of Ziggy Stardust. 'The Berlin Years' still influences me.

England produces the best fat actors.

The nice thing about England is that they actually speak English.

Dory is what Mum used to call a "strong-looking woman," which means that, from the back, she looked like a man, and, from the front, you preferred the back

The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles.

It's a sort of piss-take on culture, because a drag queen is a clown - a parody of our society. It's a sarcastic spoof on culture, which allows us to laugh at ourselves - but in a way that is inclusive of everyone.

Women wearing men's clothes are chic, men wearing women's clothes make us fall on the floor laughing.

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

I have nothing against the Queen of England. Even in my heart I never resented her for not being Jackie Kennedy. She is, to my mind, a very gallant lady, victimized by whoever it is who designs the tops of her uniforms.

When some drunken fool asked if she was a lesbian, she would say, 'In everything but sexual preference.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

I only wear clothes because I can't walk around with nothing on, but they started calling me a fashionista.

Well, he was wearing those really bad pants ant that awful shirt. Clearly he did need some things explained to him bya teenager, but i didn't think it was the right time to mention his unforunate and obvious fashion impairment.

No, I'm all man. I even fought in WWII. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.

You aspire to be as great as Michael Jackson is as an artist. I don't think any artist in pop, rock or hip-hop has ever done it any bigger than him. You know what I mean? He's the man.

Queen Elizabeth of England is the real fashion icon of the century. And she has a sense of humor.

Englishmen do like to get in a dress, any excuse.

I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.