RICHARD LEWIS

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

When I was younger, I listened to the greats: Winters, Mel and Carl, Nichols and May, Pryor, Carlin, Klein, Berman and lots of Lenny Bruce albums. But once I started doing fairly well, I didn't want to hear anybody's jokes or premises.

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

My performance level has risen - and my anxiety-level has sky-rocketed.

My wife's hip, beautiful and independent and never jealous.

I read somewhere that when I go on stage, people realize that they're not me and they feel better. When I walk off the stage, people know who I really am. I'm not saying it's great comedy, cool comedy or better comedy - but that's what I do, and I do it first for myself.

I didn't ever feel close to my real family. I didn't feel validated; I never felt right because I was always wrong.

My grandmother was a Jewish juggler: she used to worry about six things at once.

There's a thin line between narcissism, even if it's a healthy narcissism, and entertainment.

If you want to devote yourself to the arts, you'd better do it strictly from passion, because there is zero guarantee that you'll get anywhere. The hardest thing is dealing with business people who have nothing to do with your art. They could care less that you're up at 4:30 in the morning writing a joke. Don't expect any sympathy from anybody.

I love being famous. It validates that I have something to say.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

I never wanted to do observational humor because I never wanted to tell people what they were seeing.

My act is always a work in progress. I pray I have a bad day before a show.

When I started out, I struggled, and I was broke a lot. But I'm glad I struggled, and I'm glad I was broke a lot.

I'm psyched-up when I do radio. I can reach hundreds of thousands of people in a market. And way psyched-up when I'm on television. For people not to take it seriously is foolish.

My humor is channeling everything through my brain. For example, when I talk about something, it's how Richard Lewis feels about it. I'm a storyteller. I do a lot of free association.

My family - it wasn't an abusive family - they meant well, but they were in their own world.

When you do something in the moment, it may just be for that stage, that audience, that head space that you're in.

I never gave much thought to anything since I was 22 years old, when I got into the arts, so when Larry David came to my house in 2000, I didn't even think about it - I just thought about showing up on the set.

I was 23, and all sorts of people were coming in and out and watching me, like Steve Allen and Bette Midler. David Brenner certainly took me under his wing. To drive home to my little dump in New Jersey often knowing that Steve Allen said, 'You got it' - that validation kept me going in a big, big way.

I was way more comfortable in front of strangers than I was in front of relatives. So when they would laugh at my dysfunctions or my anxiety, I felt less alone, and I still do it for the same reason.

I certainly wouldn't be a dental hygienist - they should get the Medal of Honor just to look at people's gums.

I know what my sweet spot has been. It's personal stuff, dysfunction, fear of intimacy, family stuff, psychology stuff. I eviscerate myself onstage.

I'm 70; I'm just glad I'm on top of the ground. Honest to God.