JOSEPH HELLER

I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.

He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.

He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.

When I read something saying I've not done anything as good as 'Catch-22' I'm tempted to reply, 'Who has?'

We do have a zeal for laughter in most situations, give or take a dentist.

Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.

But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.

Every writer I know has trouble writing.

Rise above principle and do what's right.

I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.

Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to.

I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy.

When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

You have two enemies in war. The guy who is trying to shoot you, and the guy who is ordering you out to be shot.

If you expect democratic government will be efficient government, you will be disappointed.

Governments are not normally concerned with the welfare of the people they govern.

The truth is whatever people will believe is the truth.

I think Haig will be foolish, but perhaps not quite as foolish as Kissinger was, because Haig doesn't have the education Kissinger had. Haig is a little more dangerous because, I fear, he believes what he says, whereas I never got that impression from Kissinger.