Witty Remarks Quotes

Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.

Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

The wise make proverbs, and fools repeat them.

Come down off the cross, we could use the wood.

To be witty is not enough. One must possess sufficient wit to avoid having too much of it.

Anyone can tell the truth, but only very few of us can make epigrams.

Observe it, the vulgar often laugh, but never smile, whereas well-bred people often smile, and seldom or never laugh. A witty thing never excited laughter, it pleases only the mind and never distorts the countenance.

I reckon I am a smart aleck, but it is just a way to pass the time.

You are wise, witty and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading this sort of stuff.

..her smile, which was her pretty feature, was never so pretty as when her sprightly phrase had a scratch lurking in it.

Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor.

What I think is that the F-word is basically just a convenient nasty-sounding word that we tend to use when we would really like to come up with a terrific-ally witty insult, the kind Winston Churchill always came up with when enormous women asked him stupid questions at parties.

Genuine witticisms surprise those who say them as much as those who listen to them; they arise in us in spite of us, or, at least, without our participation,--like everything inspired.

Humour is the most engaging cowardice. With it myself I have been able to hold some of my enemy in play far out of gunshot.

What's possible?” - she asked “Anything,” he said absently. “But that’s not what I was talking about. Oh, hello, Claire. You’re in good time. I need an extra pair of hands.” “As long as I keep them attached,” she said, which earned her a startled stare. “The things you say to me, you’d think I was some sort of monster.” -- Myrnin and Claire

I'm not really a comedian, innit; I just naturally say things which people class as funny.

People who can't be witty exert themselves to be devout and affectionate.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

I am drunk, seest thou? When I am not drunk I do not talk. You have never heard me talk much. But an intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend his time with fools.

Nobody thanks a witty man for politeness when he puts himself on a par with a society in which it would not be polite to show one's wit.

Good wits will jump.

I'm probably one of most quotable guys in America.

In France we can cauterize wounds but we do not yet know any remedy for the injuries inflicted by a bon mot.

I can't stop my comedic voice.