Professional Comedy Quotes

Somewhat naively, I entered the BBC's 'New Talent Competition,' believing it was for people who had never tried comedy before. I remember sitting in the dressing room before the show and hearing the other acts - who all knew one another - talking to Rhod Gilbert about how he must be about ready to go 'full-time' as a comic.

I've been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I've never really been a CEO.

I think people have a misconception about comedians and performers. All that stuff is serious business.

Women, a lot of the time, are so much funnier than men, but they just choose not to do comedy for a living.

I did standup while still working for Johnny Carson in the mid-'60s, thus gaining the advantage of at least getting laughs from him about how I hadn't the night before.

I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown.

Especially in the world of comedy, it feels like you have to be proactive, in terms of pitching and trying to sell and being a part of the creation of the stuff that you do.

I think both of us [ with Steve Oram], once we decided to do comedy, knew that we would have to come to London to do that.

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

I think you're a comedian as soon as you start. I don't think there's a moment where you become a full comic.

You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.

I had always fancied a go at the comedy and when it started to go reasonably well and the opportunity arose for me to move into it full time, I just couldn't turn it down. I just took the risk, and I just wanted to see if it would work and thankfully it did.

You know the quickest way to get comedians to hate you? Do Letterman at age 24.

The Punch Line is one of the best clubs in the world. It's an intimidating place if you're a younger comic, but the community is so lucky to have a place with such a high threshold and standard.

Hard audiences tend to be when it's all men. It's when businesses have dos where they're at conferences all day then book a comedian for the evening. They're men of a certain age - basically middle-aged, balding, 50 to 60 years old and I just know I can't make these people laugh hysterically.

I had been writing and performing stand-up comedy pretty much the entire time I worked at Google.

I really love showing up at work at 10 A.M., trying to make it funny until 3 P.M., and then going home. It's like comedy bankers' hours.

You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can't believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.

I liked comedy, but didn't know it was something you could do for a living. I actually wanted to be an attorney.

Because you make me laugh don't make you a comic. A comedian is a person who, that's how they make their living.