In every country dogges bite.
When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.
That's a real problem when people bring exotics into their homes. Sometimes it's by accident, but sometimes it's on purpose.
When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
Don't ever have two dogs. That way you won't know which one to blame.
I had disagreements with all my neighbors about my dogs. I had a disagreement with myself about my dogs. They were noisy.
We used to have a dog named Snoopy, you know, a real live dog. I suppose people who love Snoopy won't like it, but we gave him away. He fought with other dogs, so we traded him in for a load of gravel.
People acquire a dog, don't understand it, can't train it, get fed up, and... offer it for adoption, hoping to pass on the problem to somebody else. But nobody wants a problem dog.
Our house was always filled with dogs... They helped make our house a kennel, it is true, but the constant patter of their filthy paws and the dreadful results of their brainless activities have warmed me throughout the years.
I liked animals better than people. That's one of the reasons I wanted to be a vet - then I found out that every pet had a person that owned 'em.
I love dogs and cats, but I don't want to be the guy who says, 'I'm going to Brussels for a while; can you take Poochie?' Or even worse, I could be the guy who takes Poochie to Brussels with him - then I'm really in trouble.
I love slippers, but I have five dogs. So unfortunately, I have a lot of single slippers.
On her daughter's pet rabbit: I don't think he liked being in a cage and wouldn't stop masturbating and humping his bowl.
I had a dog named Oliver with severe separation anxiety. He couldn't be alone... so I had to bring him wherever I went.
There is no such thing as a problem breed. However, there is no shortage of 'problem owners'.
What I like about a dog it stops people getting after you, they're not going to come round in the night. But they make the place stink because I might want to stay out a few days and when I get back I might want to stay in a few days and a dog can become a tyrant to you.
On one tour, I was collecting stories about pet monkeys. You'd be surprised how many people have stories about monkeys. The problem is, most monkey stories end tragically.
It is not an easy thing to inflate a dog.
I'm a big man and I like big dogs.... The dogs kept growing until only one of us could get in the elevator. It caused enough hassles so they finally kicked me out of my apartment.
