Legal Humor Quotes

King Henry VIII, who said to his lawyer, Forget the alimony, I've got a better idea. Never got a dinner!

Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.

Obviously I'm a lawyer; I like to have cases.

As for his name, well, what attorney wouldn't want to be able put a Judge in a crate every now and then?

With Congress and the S.E.C. so heavily peopled by lawyers, and with lawyers having been so heavily involved in drafting financial disclosure documents now seen as bogus, there was a new "lawyer" joke every week. One such was: "The butcher says 'the reputation of lawyers has fallen dramatically', and the check-out clerk replies: "How do you fall dramatically off a pancake?

John [Mulaney] likes to say I'm like a district attorney with absolutely no jurisdiction whatsoever.

Folks are astounded that 'judge' isn't a synonym for 'humorless Luddite.'

I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes.

My father was the doyen of the divorce barristers. He was an extremely erudite and very famous divorce barrister. So that, when I was a little boy in the nursery, instead of a story like 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,' I used to get 'The Duchess and the Seven Correspondents.'

I want to do a film like 'Jolly LLB' or something in that space.

Lawyers-they get together all day and say to each other, "What can we postpone next?" The only thing they don't postpone, of course, is their bill, which arrives regularly. You've heard about the man who got the bill from his lawyer which said, "For crossing the street to speak to you and discovering it was not you, twelve dollars."