Body Humor Quotes

I’m not short. I’m…vertically disadvantaged.

My body has been making women laugh for the last 20 years and I'm happy to continue to oblige.

[On why she doesn't exercise:] If I tried to jog with these boobs, I'd end up with two black eyes.

Before I had a double mastectomy, I was already pretty flat-chested, and I made so many jokes over the years about how small my chest was that I started to think that maybe my boobs overheard me... and were just like, 'You know what? We're sick of this. Let's kill her.'

And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

I finally had my prostate checked. And I was super-thankful that I taught my asshole to whistle before the doctor stuck his finger in there. The look on his face was priceless.

Arnold Schwarzenegger looks like a brown condom full of walnuts.

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.

Maybe your pregnant. Oops, hold on, you're not pregnant, on account of you're not gettin any.

I've never used my weight to get a laugh. That is, used my size as the subject for humor. You never saw me stuck in a door-way or stuck in a chair.

I always thought my genitals were the result of some crude practical joke.

My boobs are so low I had to put curb feelers on my nipples!

I've been naked in a lot of my movies. There's something inherently funny about the naked male body, particularly mine.

My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.