Dave Attell Quotes

We wake up and pinch ourselves most days.

I woke to a bucket of ice water in my face. “Sadie! Get up,” Zia said. “God!” I yelled. “Was that necessary?” “No,” admitted Zia.

I went horseback riding and got a big chunk of horse manure kicked into my face. It has a way of slapping you right back into reality.

When I was doing the breakfast show, I used to get up at three o'clock in the morning and go fishing before doing the show.

I get up with an old-school alarm clock.

My dog wakes me at 6:30 in the morning, so pretty much, I have to get up.

I would never be about waking up early and do morning radio and TV back to back had I not been in the military, where they are throwing a garbage can in the middle of my squad bed at 5 o'clock in the morning for four years straight.

I cried after I woke up from surgery and saw that my finger was gone. I was looking at my hand, going, 'Where the hell is my finger at?'

We wake up at 5 A.M. every day whether Howard has to get up for his radio show or not.

The ending of irrational fantasies is always going to come as a rude jolt.

I wish I was a morning person.

I'm so excited to wake America up every day.

The wake up machine was actually pretty painful after some time.

When I wake up in the morning, I just go.

Since childhood, I've never been a morning person. I need something exciting, out of my comfort zone, to get out of bed.

It's always very pure, that last moment before an ugly, unsettling truth hits someone. The most stark of before-and-afters.

Each wedding picture was less of a memento than a scar. Proof of some horror movie scenario Katherine Kenton has survived.

There comes a moment... When imagination gives out and Reality leaps forth. It is frightful!

Truthfully I don't remember much about anything after the Olympics 'cause I, I lost everything.

To be really obvious about something, if somebody straps an M1 on your shoulder and throws you in Iraq, you're going to get a sense of what the hell's going on there. Boy, you'll wake up fast when bullets are flying over your head.

Alas for those girls who've refused the truth: The sweetest tongue has the sharpest tooth.

I saw the destruction of Dresden. I saw the city before and then came out of an air-raid shelter and saw it afterward, and certainly one response was laughter. God knows, that's the soul seeking some relief.

To become acquainted with oneself is a terrible shock.

Woke up this morning to the incredible news that I was nominated for an Emmy, and a shower full of dog poop. Apparently my dog is so excited, she has explosive diarrhea. I truly could not be more thankful to the Emmy voters for including me in this brilliant company of extraordinary women. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go clean up an enormous amount of dog poop out of my shower. Yay!

My song is ya girlfriend's wakin up ringer... or alarm or whateva. She'll be here at 6 in the morn if I let her