Jim Cornette Quotes

The Internet is a sketch show.

To be fair, the hardest part of my week is live-tweeting 'The Edge & Christian Show,' because I just can't keep up with the tremendous response and the controversy.

Ricky Gervais is a genius.

I read the Bible when I was 12 while studying for my bar mitzvah. I was also reading a lot of Dilbert comics at the time, and I guess the two kind of got fused in my mind. I've always imagined God as an irrational, distractible boss. It's my best explanation for our planet.

I know the nature of comedy, and you never know what will happen with the next movie or whether people will find it funny.

It's a pragmatist's business, comedy. Start off with good intentions and references to the Pompidou Centre and you end up with boiled sweets and a pantomime cow.

You'd better get your laugh while you're making your point, or you won't be doing it very long.

With 'The Simpsons,' people didn't know what they were gonna see. They didn't have a clue.

I think Chris Rock at the Oscars was a great example. I thought that was intellectually hilarious. The Gap starts a war with Banana Republic... That to me was funny.

The goal is to have to do the shot again because the camera guy shook a little bit as he was laughing. Without that happening, I'm not happy because there's nothing better for me than a world that everybody's just trying to make each other laugh.

Bachelor parties would pay a lot of money to hire Pat Buchanan to come.

Madness isn't altogether a bad thing in comedy.

I guess when I think about it, one of the things I like to dramatise, and what is sometimes funny, is someone coming unglued. I don't consider myself someone who is making the argument that I support these choices. I just think it can be funny.

I like - there's a better word for it, but I like the danger that a comic brings to a role. It has a feeling, even though everything's scripted and everything's planned what you're going to do. When I see Will Ferrell or Sacha Baron Cohen, there's a feeling that anything could happen.

When you make 'The Daily Show', it's usually not for a laurel, it's for a dart.

I think life would be so much funnier if every day you saw someone walking down the street getting hit in the head by a monkey, don't you?

Some of them … are tripping one another up, while others are twisting each other and groveling together in the mud, wallowing like swine … Others standing upright, … are attacking each other with blows and kicks … one looks as if he were going to spew out his teeth, unlucky man, his mouth full of blood and sand …. Nobody can easily convince me that men who do these things are not out of their minds.

I think the people that most often cross a line are comedians. I think they relish that, and take pride in that on some level - at least, from what little I've seen and understand about people that do stand-up.

All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

Trump is good for comedy but bad for the world.

I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.

I don't really see the point in offensive comedy.

My secret to comedy is don't offend anybody. Don't offend anybody ever. That's my secret.

In a way, you just can't predict a perfect movie for 'MST3K.'

I used to do an impersonation of Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage in a romantic relationship.