Jim Gaffigan Quotes

Twitter's popularity and usefulness are mysteries to me.

The surprising thing about fatherhood was finding my inner mush. Now I want to share it with the world.

We go into parenting, and we discover that we don't have the answers. We are at a loss.

I think you need something to take care of in order to figure out who you are as a person, and in that way, being a dad has levelled me out more than anything. You've just got to be good for that person no matter what's going on in your head that day.

Definitely for me, my personality, having children was a definite sea change. I found it very, very hard to balance show business and being a dad. The narcissism of show business and the complete, total focus of it was very difficult.

As I started parenting, I realised there is no formula to it.

The hardest part about parenting is when I have to be The Dad--aka the Fun-Sucker--as opposed to being a friend.

Being a dad has made me more aware of myself. I can see all of my virtues and flaws. They become glaringly clear when my daughter communicates with me in the same ways that I communicate with her. I can really tell where and when I went wrong.

I don't think I had even begun to have an idea where I was going, but wherever it was, that was where I wanted to go.

Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won't take away your manhood; it will give it to you.

Before I had children I always wondered whether their births would be, for me, like the ultimate in gym class failures. And I discovered instead... that I'd finally found my sport.

Being a Dad is the greatest, except for assembling things.

I do like Twitter. Writing is a solitary pursuit, and it can get lonely. I like to go into Twitter for a short period of time, communicate with clever friends, and then switch it off. That's perfect for me.

That is how life goes--we send our children into the wilderness. Some of them on the day they are born, it seems, for all the help we can give them. Some of them seem to be a kind of wilderness unto themselves. But there must be angels there, too, and springs of water. Even that wilderness, the very habitation of jackals, is the Lord's.

I communicate with fans on Twitter. I enjoy the ability to impulsively write something and ship it out to the fans and fellow tweeters out there.

Twitter is really a hyper-distilled version of how the internet should work - short bursts of relatively useful information.

I tweet, therefore my entire life has shrunk to 140 character chunks of instant event and predigested gnomic wisdom. And swearing.

The nature of impending fatherhood is that you are doing something that you're unqualified to do, and then you become qualified while doing it.

[My kids] don't need to cook to keep me happy. It's my job as dad to create opportunities so that they can find their passion. Forget about money, find what you really want to do with your life.

The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man. The end product of child-raising is not the child but the parent.

Fatherhood is the best thing I ever did. It changes your perspective. You can write a book, you can make a movie, you can paint a painting, but having kids is really the most extraordinary thing I have taken on.

There is now a scourge that is called Twitter

All I've ever wanted to do was be a great dad, and yet there's no stopping this existential mirror that's held up to yourself when you're about to have a kid.

Dads are awkward because they're older guys who aren't cool anymore and are figuring out who they are, and they often make bad choices in fashion and music.

Leading a family is the hardest job a man can ever have.