Francis Bacon Quotes

My capacity for humour may have come largely from my father - he liked to entertain people, make people laugh.

Daddy was hilarious. He could take the most mundane event and tell it so that we all on the floor laughing. He trained me in the joys of humor.

There is some humour in 'Family Values.' I don't want everyone to think it's not going to make them laugh. But there are quite a lot of poems there that aren't funny at all.

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?

I poke fun of everybody and everything. And who's easier to make fun of than your mother?

My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony.

Satire makes people learn something more than being lectured.

All my relatives and friends have been pretty aware of my brand of humor for a while, so none of them have been shocked.

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

Her mother was a Rutherford. The family came over in the ark, and were connected by marriage with Henry the VIII. On her father's side they date back further than Adam. On the topmost branches of her family tree there's a superior breed of monkeys with very fine silky hair and extra long tails.

I asked mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

When Jennie, mother of Winston Churchill invited playwright George Bernard Shaw to lunch, he telegraphed: "Certainly not. What have I done to provoke such an attack on my well-known habits?" She replied, "Know nothing of your habits; hope they are better than your manners."

I rang my mother to thank her for giving birth to me and she said, "What choice had I? You were in there, how else were you going to get out?

Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.

The more you know, the more you can make fun of

The essence of the ludicrous consists in surprise,--in unexpected terms of feeling and explosions of thought,--often bringing dissimilar things together with a shock; as when some wit called Boyle, the celebrated philosopher, the father of chemistry and brother of the Earl of Cork.

An old philosopher said to Monsieur Coignard, a Reverend Father: 'You are a pig!' To which Abad Coignard answered: 'You flatter me, sir. But unfortunately, I'm only a man.'

My father liked to moralize, and so do I. But he was in earnest, while I am embarrassed and pretend that I am merely being witty.

Did you use a chainsaw?" Joey said. "I seem to recall you like chainsawa." "There wasn't a power outlet." Clay turned to me. "That's what I want for Father's Day, darling. A gas powered chainsaw.

Shut up!" Eve yelled from somewhere upstairs. "Jackass!" "You know, when people say that, I just hear the word awesome.

Everyone has a family tree; the Dawsons have one, it's a weeping willow.

You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.' 'And yet it is still extremely funny.

Actually, I do like pink clothes, but it's not because I'm girly, it's because I'm the reincarnation of Oscar Wilde.