Hector Hugh Munro Quotes

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

It's more than magnificent - it's mediocre.

Anyone can cook, and most everyone should.

Beauty fades, but cooking is eternal.

I don't do my mother's cooking. Because I am a professional and she isn't. Even if she is a better cook.

You're a terrible cook, Daniel." "I know," he replied, "But it's the effort that counts." "I hope that's not the slogan for your dental practice.

What can you say about Guy's cooking that hasn't been printed on a packet of cigarettes?

I married an awesome cook, thats cool!

He decided there was no point in telling her he'd looked in the fridge and seen none of these things. There'd just be some variation of his mother's standard crack about Male Refrigeration Blindness Syndrome.

Not only will your teachers appear, but they will cook new foods for you.

I perfected the art of being uninteresting.

We're as average as everyday's wash.

A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don't think of it first.

Some sarcasm is best told simply. Some humor is best told big and some is best told small.

Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word 'safe' that I wasn't previously aware of.

If you can't detect the sarcasm you've misunderstood.

Pardon me, but there’s someone on the phone who says they have a call for you.” There’s a call to tell me I have a call?” he asked with heavy skepticism.

I wouldn't hurt a flea. I'd finger a spider though.

Mediocrity has no greater consolation than in the thought that genius is not immortal.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.

If letters had eyebrows, these would be arched.

I'm just the last English twit, really.

If we study what is merely average, we will remain merely average.

If I were pretentious I would say that I'm not an average person. But really, I know how that is.