Paul Hawken Quotes

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

On the information sheet in a New York hotel, I recently read: 'Dear guest! To guarantee that you will fully enjoy your stay with us, this hotel is totally smoke-free. For any infringement of this regulation, you will be charged $200.' The beauty of this formulation, taken literally, is that you are to be punished for refusing to fully enjoy your stay.

An epigram is the marriage of wit and wisdom; a wisecrack, their divorce.

Wouldn't that put a twist in your toga?

MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.

Both T.S. Eliot and I like to play, but I like to play euchre, while he likes to play Eucharist.

We should tackle reality in a slightly jokey way, otherwise we miss its point.

I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home." Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup.

President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.

Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."

Wit: a whim followed by a wham.

Wit will shine Through the harsh cadence of a rugged line.

The more serious the situation, the funnier the comedy can be. The greatest comedy plays against the greatest tragedy. Comedy is a red rubber ball and if you throw it against a soft, funny wall, it will not come back. But if you throw it against the hard wall of ultimate reality, it will bounce back and be very lively. Very, very few people understand this.

Love is a many trousered thing.

A new survey out says 64 percent of Americans own a smartphone. Which is interesting because in a related survey, 100 percent of smart phones say they own an American.

Wherever there is objective truth, there is satire.

RAREBIT n. A Welsh rabbit, in the speech of the humorless, who point out that it is not a rabbit. To whom it may be solemnly explained that the comestible known as toad-in-a-hole is really not a toad, and that riz-de-veau à la financière is not the smile of a calf prepared after the recipe of a she banker.

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".

Irony is the bringing together of two contradictory truths and to make out of the contradiction a new truth, with a laugh or a smile.

The goodness of your true pun is in the direct ratio of its intolerability.

Hash, x. There is no definition for this word - nobody knows what hash is. Famous, adj. Conspicuously miserable. Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work.

People from the village come up and tease me: 'We hear you've started drawing on your telephone.' And I tell them, 'Well, no, actually, it's just that occasionally I speak on my sketch pad,'

It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.

Unlike my subject will I frame my song, It shall be witty and it shan't be long.

First name: Mister; middle name: period; last name T.