Deborah Tannen Quotes

When a woman is talking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes.

Until you meet, you will never understand each other.

The first thing you’ve got to do in a community is listen, not talk.

Listen with an open ear is the first, most important thing to do. From there, if people feel like learning more, that's when you can kind of go deeper.

We must first listen, then speak - with humility - to genuinely hear the perspectives of those with whom we don't immediately or instinctively agree.

As veterans we should be smarter about how we talk about things.

Know how to listen, and you will profit even from those who talk badly.

Learning is a result of listening, which in turn leads to even better listening and attentiveness to the other person. In other words, to learn from the child, we must have empathy, and empathy grows as we learn.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

The measure of a conversation is how much mutual recognition there is in it; how much shared there is in it. If you're talking about what's in your own head, or without thought to what people looking and listening will feel, you might as well be in a room talking to yourself.

Good listeners have a huge advantage. For one, when they engage in conversation, they make people 'feel' heard. They 'feel' that someone really understands their wants, needs and desires. And for good reason; a good listener does care to understand.

Some people think that you have to be the loudest voice in the room to make a difference. That is just not true. Often, the best thing we can do is turn down the volume. When the sound is quieter, you can actually hear what someone else is saying. And that can make a world of difference.

Be able to cite three good qualities of every relative or acquaintance that you dislike.

It takes a great man to be a good listener.

Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.

The longer we listen to one another - with real attention - the more commonality we will find in all our lives. That is, if we are careful to exchange with one another life stories and not simply opinions.

Listen to other people tell their story, but don't believe them. You know that it's just a story that is only true for them, but listen because the communication can be wonderful.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

There is as much wisdom in listening as there is in speaking - and that goes for all relationships, not just romantic ones.

We cannot learn from one another until we stop shouting at one another - until we speak quietly enough so that our words can be heard as well as our voices.

There are many benefits to this process of listening. The first is that good listeners are created as people feel listened to. Listening is a reciprocal process - we become more attentive to others if they have attended to us.

The best thing I could say is you do have to be a really good listener. If I go to a family reunion, and there's 400 people there, everybody comes up and tells me their stories, right? And I think that when you're a good listener, and you can imagine how someone's talking, dialogue is your key friend, is it not?

Our civilization is becoming less civil. You don’t have the right to demonize somebody just because they disagree with you.

It’s important for me to hear others position and understand them.

We cannot learn from one another until we stop shouting at one another