Dave Barry Quotes

I was fortunate that I was at newspapers for eight years, where I wrote at least five or six stories every week. You get used to interviewing lots of different people about a lot of different things. And they aren't things you know about until you do the story.

I had been writing for about twelve years. I knew pretty well how you could find things out, but I had never been trained in an academic way how to go about the research.

I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.

I absorb the science section of 'The New York Times.' You know, I have a degree: I'm an A.A.D. Almost a Doctor.

When I first came to this country I could not speak English. Now I get paid to write it.

The funny response to 'One Mississippi' continues to be that people don't know what is true and what's fiction.

A lot of journalists are talented enough to write a mystery novel, and I would say that most of the top-end mystery writers actually started out as reporters. But there is more to it than just the writing; there's a learning process, and most journalists aren't willing to do it.

Chekhov, when it's done well and you're ready for it, can actually be quite funny.

Sometimes my humor does offend people, and I've said it before: I don't write jokes to be offensive. I write jokes to be funny, and I guess what I find funny are things that other people sometimes find offensive. I would love nothing more than to never offend anyone, but it just doesn't seem to work out that way.

The central point of this final chapter is that - follow my logic carefully here - unless you die, you will continue to get older. (It's insights like this that separate the professional book author from the person with a real job.)

When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.

Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

I cannot recall a more engaging passage in fiction, and I've been trying for almost eighteen seconds.

Comedy is not supposed to be funny. Its supposed to tell the truth and then that's funny.

A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. I'm going to go plant a tree there, with bones on it, then the dog will come back and say, "Shoot! It worked! I must distribute these bones equally for I have a green paw!"

Anything that is not funny at a certain point will be funny.

I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.

It's certainly easy to mock some things ... Oddly enough though I've never found it easy to mock anything of value. Only things that are tawdry and fatuous - perhaps it's just me.

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.

It's not so much that I write well, I just don't write badly very often and that passes for good on television.

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.

It takes a heap of sense to write good nonsense

To take a gloomy view of life is not part of my philosophy; to laugh at the idiocies of my fellow creatures is. However, at this particular moment I cannot find so much to laugh at as I would like.

Jane Austen may not be the best writer, but she certainly writes about the best people. And by that I mean people just like me.

If you have a character that doesn't have anything wrong with him, there's nothing funny about it.