Akiva Schaffer Quotes

One time my mom tried to ground me, but that lasted 15 minutes.

As a teenager, I was perpetually grounded. I was stubborn rather than rebellious.

I was a real rebel. I got expelled.

How many times have your parents told you not to do things, and the next thing you know, you go do it? And you realized you shouldn't have done it.

I haven't took no punishment. There's nothing cool about taking punishment.

When I was a kid and got in trouble, I'd always say, Mom, I'm in trouble. Well, Mom, I'm in trouble.

I always had a pretty good knack for raising hell.

You don't need a foreign policy expert to tell you empty threats and hollow promises don't work. Ask any parent of a rebellious teenager. If you don't make good on the threats, you're asking for worse behavior next time.

Mommy smoked but she didn't want us to. She saw smoke coming out of the barn one time, so we got whipped.

They spare the rod, and spoyle the child.

My mom and stepdad were strict. I couldn't date; I couldn't go out. And I was a kid who was never good at just taking no for an answer. I needed to understand why. And sometimes they weren't interested in explaining.

I wasn't a very well-behaved girl. I was often in detention for impertinence.

I was not very well-behaved. I remember I was a discipline problem. I was a typical American male at twenty years old, and I was causing trouble whenever I could.

Not a lot of people would think that I spent most of my early years totally rebelling against anything I could, getting suspended from school, going on demonstrations.

I think you have to be a little bit strict. You can't be friend and their parent in a lot of situations, especially in this day and age where it's so dangerous for kids. So there's a bit of sternness, I guess, in the way I raise my kids.

I've been reckless, but I'm not a rebel without a cause.

I have trouble with direction, because I have trouble with authority. I was not a good Marine.

We know what we are supposed to do and we don't want to do it, so we do the exact opposite anyway. And, it never goes well for us when we do that.

I'm tired of playing the brat.

Two kinds of ballplayers aren't worth a darn: One that never does what he's told, and one who does nothin' except what he's told.

Dad was a strict disciplinarian and would give us a wallop with a wooden spoon if we were out of order. But we really respected him - he didn't try to be our best friend.

I wasn't that kid where if you told me 'No,' I was just going to do it anyway.

I won't say I am a strict mother, but discipline is important. Timing and routine are important for kids.

Everyone's got skeletons in their closet, and I've got a million in mine, believe me. I tested the envelope; I pushed it. Whenever somebody in authority told me not to do something, I did it just to find out why they said not to do it.

Growing up with Bronx Irish parents during an era of protests against the status quo, I was especially committed to doing the opposite of what I was told to do. Forty-four years later, I am left with only one means of making a living: comedy.