Dorothy Parker Quotes

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

I'm such a hater, and will hate on anything.

I've done pretty well as a professional fed-up. The tools of my trade so far have been irony, tongue-in-cheek mockery, and supercilious contempt, but these are highly civilized weapons designed for 18th-century French salons.

Whatever you are is all okay. I don't like you anyway.

Wit goes for the jugular, not the jocular, and it's the opposite of football; instead of building character, it tears it down.

Good people all, with one accord, Lament for Madam Blaize, Who never wanted a good word From those who spoke her praise.

Hey Tony [Schiavone], I'm glad to see you back, especially after seeing your front.

Wit implies hatred or contempt of folly and crime, produces its effects by brisk shocks of surprise, uses the whip of scorpions and the branding-iron, stabs, stings, pinches, tortures, goads, teases, corrodes, undermines.

I love smarta**es when it's stuff I agree with.

"Have you heard any Stockhausen?" Beecham was asked. "No, but I believe I have stepped in some."

My commentary's hilarious, not witty.

Tell me again how much you agree with me.

The more you know, the more you can make fun of

[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'

Most satirists are indeed a public scourge; Their mildest physic is a farrier's purge; Their acrid temper turns, as soon as stirr'd, The milk of their good purpose all to curd. Their zeal begotten, as their works rehearse, By lean despair upon an empty purse.

You really have got lots of issues! Yeah, of 'What Car Magazine'!

That's sort of what I wanted to make fun of a little bit with Don Jon. And I think oftentimes, if you're going to talk about a sort of substantial topic like this, the best way to do it is with a sense of humor.

You can park your snark at the gate, Omaha.

Such nonsense!" declared Dr Greysteel. "Whoever heard of cats doing anything useful!" "Except for staring at one in a supercilious manner," said Strange. "That has a sort of moral usefulness, I suppose, in making one feel uncomfortable and encouraging sober reflection upon one's imperfections.

I can be much more sarcastic and, I think, sometimes withering in my assessments of things than I allow to show in my public life.

Who or what are you? Besides insufferably rude?

Angel is right,"said Dr. G-H quickly. "This is my clumsy way of demonstrating." "Demonstrating what?" I was barely able to keep a snarl out of my voice. "How to get yourself beat up in one easy step?

There must be more malice than love in the hearts of all wits.

Some [people] are really smart. You know who you are. Some [people] are really thick. Unfortunately, you don't know who you are.

He looks like a man.' 'How descriptive,' Susan said in a droll tone. 'Remind me never to advise you to seek work as a novelist.