Jonathan Swift Quotes

I am of the level with common Astrologers; who, with an old paltry cant, and a few pot-hooks for planets to amuse the vulgar, have too long been suffered to abuse the world.

Frankly, I'll believe in horoscopes the day I can describe my personality to an astrologer and they tell me what date I was born.

Now it must be asked if we can comprehend why comets signify the death of magnates and coming wars, for writers of philosophy say so. The reason is not apparent, since vapor no more rises in a land where a pauper lives than where a rich man resides, whether he be king or someone else. Furthermore, it is evident that a comet has a natural cause not dependent on anything else; so it seems that it has no relation to someone's death or to war.

When I was in my twenties, I would always read my horoscope.

Yes, horoscopes still persist in popular newspapers, but they are there only for the severely scientifically challenged, or for entertainment; the idea that the stars determine our fate has lost all intellectual currency.

Every newspaper feels it must have an astrology column, and even in the Carleton University bookstore this morning, I found books on astrology for sale.

I have seen some astrologers who predicted wonderful things; but I have no reason to believe they predicted them only from the stars, or anything of the sort. In many cases it is simply mind-reading. Sometimes wonderful predictions are made, but in many cases it is arrant trash.

If you survive long enough, you're revered - rather like an old building.

Astrology is not an art, it is a disease.

Astrology is a disease, not a science... It is a tree under the shadow of which all sorts of superstitions thrive. ... Only fools and charlatans lend value to it.

Your hair is so white now it can talk back to the police.

As you are old and reverend, you should be wise.

Indeed, I have, alas! outlived almost every one of my contemporaries. One pays dear for living long.

The moon and sun are travelers through eternity. Even the years wander on. Whether drifting through life on a boat or climbing toward old age leading a horse, each day is a journey, and the journey itself is home.

Unfortunately most ways of making big money take a long time. By the time one has made the money one is too old to enjoy it.

Not from the stars do I my judgement pluck, And yet methinks I have astronomy. But not to tell of good or evil luck, Of plagues, of dearths, or season's quality; Nor can I fortune to brief minutes tell ... Or say with princes if it shall go well.

All rulers in all ages have tried to impose a false view of the world upon their followers.

Legends grow beards, and twenty-three years is plenty of time to grow a long one.

You know you're old when you get a lifetime achievement award. It's a message you've been around too long.

A woman is not old as long as she loves and is loved

If we live long enough, we become caricatures of ourselves.

You don't have to talk to me about pensions. I won't be around long enough to collect one.

When you've lived as long as I have, nothing much surprises you.

Emily and I have now reached the time in life when not only do we lie about our ages, we forget what we've said they are.

The Swiss are a neat and an industrious people, none of whom is under seventy-five years of age.