Carl Hiaasen Quotes

Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing.

I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up.

I'm a wiseass and a smartass, and I always have been.

I just always remember there being an ability to amuse schoolmates. Not in a kind of 'dance-around-at-the-front-of-the-room-with-his-trousers-off' way, but probably with a sardonic quip. I remember getting a school report that said something like, 'Steve's good, but he tries to see the funny side in everything.'

I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny.

I suppose I look for humor in most situations because it humanizes things; it makes a character much more three-dimensional if there's some kind of humor. Not necessarily laugh-out-loud type of stuff, just a sense that there is a humorous edge to things. I do like that.

People don't expect me to be as funny as I am.

I'm just not very funny.

I don't think I'm funny.

I don't just try to be funny.

I'm not a particularly shiny, happy person. I'm fairly cynical, and that's what draws me to comedy.

I'm shameless, and I love a pun. There's a lot of Beth puns.

I like a man with a nice, self-deprecating sense of humour.

I started getting really interested in comedy when I was in middle school.

I was just a goofy little funny kid, who was always getting sent to the principal. It wasn't serious because I was smart. I wasn't like a true troublemaker, just rambunctious - like, talkative and trying to be funny. That was me in middle-school.

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

I think I was always a class clown growing up and a funny kid. I never really knew how to channel that until I got into high school.

Me myself, Brian, I'm a Midwesterner at heart, and I have this deep, bone-dry sense of humor, and I've found it worked to combine this Barbie with a dry, sarcastic man.

People say, 'Since you got rich and famous, you've become insufferable.' I say, 'That's not true. I've always been insufferable.'

I think I'm funnier in my writing than in person.

I was the class clown when I was a little young mustache.

Humor was how I got through everything in my life. I used to find a funny way to get out of situations. That's who I was. That's who I am!

I never thought I was funny.

You, know I'm the Queen's favorite great nephew, Well, yeah I'm her only great nephew, but that's not important, I'd still be her favorite.

I argue very well. Just ask any of my remaining friends.