Joss Whedon Quotes

Kincaid, evidently exhausted himself, drew a gun, took the safety off, placed it on his chest, and went to sleep too. "It's cute," I whispered to Murphy. "He has a teddy Glock.

Rick stared at him. "Your brother is an alien." "Yeah, but he's a cute one.

That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.

I love comedy, because I like making fun of things even though they are dramatic.

I would like a ship for the hips, please. Ships and hips. Hipsters to stir with their hips on the hip ships. And, of course, hips. Yeah, hip. That's me. I also like sips. I'm a slow drinker. A sipster. I'm a sipster hipster comedian. Yeah, sips. But more hips. Hip, hipster, hip star, hiptard. Definitely.

[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'

Keep your nose to the grindstone. It sharpens your boogers.

You know who likes to get fisted? Sock puppets.

President Obama. He is the man. I've tried the rest, and he is the best. My dream is for him to appoint me to be the Secretary of Humor. My first act will be to make whatever Larry the Cable Guy is doing illegal.

Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."

But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess! And of course we'd need valet parking.

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.

Ghost of Bobby: no, no you can't eat me. I'm a ghost. Stephen Colbert: That just means that there's less bones to pick out.

Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to.

It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

Humour is the describing the ludicrous as it is in itself; wit is the exposing it, by comparing or contrasting it with something else. Humour is, as it were, the growth of nature and accident; wit is the product of art and fancy.

They used to have a fish on the menu that was smoked, grilled and peppered They did everything to this fish but pistol-whip it and dress it in Bermuda shorts.

The Doctor: It's my nose; it has special powers. Nancy: Yeah? That why it's so...? The Doctor: What? Nancy: Nothing. The Doctor: What? Nancy: Nothing. Do your ears have special powers too?

Comedy aims at representing men as worse, Tragedy as better than in actual life.

The thing about Donald [Trump] is the jokes write themselves. I don't even think of it to be trolling. What he says is the joke.

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor.

You simply cannot invent any conspiracy theory so ridiculous and obviously satirical that some people somewhere don't already believe it.