Ralph Klein Quotes

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

Impropriety is the soul of wit.

And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny.

My greatest regret as a writer is that I've never been able to include as many jokes as I'd like.

An epigram is but a feeble thing - With straw in tail, stuck there by way of sting.

I'm not hurting anybody. Comedy's all about innuendo. I'm putting it out there just like anybody else.

I'm not really big on slapstick humor. I like gentle humor.

I regard the writing of humor as a supreme artistic challenge.

I know you can be funny without being filthy.

I really like sardonicism and wit. I love the writing of Joy Williams and Lorrie Moore. I like Tina Fey, Amy Schumer.

People are always saying, 'You use irony,' and it's like, actually, we don't use irony: we use wit and playfulness and irreverence.

I think I'm funnier in my writing than in person.

I'm starting to think they know that WWE stands for Walk With Elias more than any other abbreviation.

We've always had a philosophy that we would always go wherever the joke is.

I'm a sarcastic, observational storyteller.

I like really bad puns - proper, red-top, nasty puns - I find them funny.

The best bloggers have tongue planted firmly in cheek.

There are thousands of ways to make people laugh - satire, black comedy, slapstick.

Interviewer: "What keeps you grounded?" Bieber: "Gravity." Interviewer: "What's up, Justin?" Bieber: "The sky, man."

My imagination? No, I don't think it's VIVID at all. On the contrary, it's not nearly potent enough. My poor imaginative faculties have always needed...extentions. That's why I'm here with you. You're smiling again, or rather you're SMIRKING. Funny word, smirk. Rather like an extraterrestrial surname. Simon Smirk. How do you think that sounds?

Jokes are unanswerable objections.

Hey yogurt, if you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera?

Every witticism is an inexact thought; that which is perfectly true is imperfectly witty.

I said to the waitress, "There's a fly swimming in my soup." She said: "You've got too much soup - he should only be able to paddle."

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy" The man says, "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"