George Carlin Quotes

While trying to protect the republic, the conspirators in Julius Caesar enable Mark Antony to triumph. In Rose Rage, the more Henry VI tries to fix things, the more they go wrong.

Life is full of ironies and absurdities.

What we think we are surely going to do, we don't do; and what we never intended to do, we may one day notice that we have done, and done, and done.

Certainly it was ordained as a scourge upon the pride of human wisdom, that the wisest of us all, should thus outwit ourselves, and eternally forego our purposes in the intemperate act of pursuing them.

Half of the results of a good intentions are evil; half the results of an evil intention are good.

We hasten to alienate the very fates we intended to woo.

I think it's fun to love-to-hate people.

Everybody has that thing where they need to look one way but they come out looking another way and that's what people observe. You see someone on the street and essentially what you notice about them is the flaw. It's just extraordinary that we should have been given these peculiarities. Something is ironic in the world and it has to do with the fact that what you intend never comes out like you intend it.

I think for the foreseeable future, the truth is going to be awful and funny all at the same time.

I'm a misunderstood genius." "What's misunderstood?" "Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed.

Generally speaking, I think it is fair to say that I am a friend to the creatures of the Earth when I am not busy eating them or wearing them.

It is a cheering thought to think that God is on the side of the best digestion.

You know very well that I no longer think. I am far too intelligent for that.

It is one of history's greatest ironies that, over the centuries, the pursuit of pleasure has resulted in more pain than enjoyment.

Sugar free? With the name Sugarpova I don't think I will be doing anything sugar free very soon.

Just because we can shoot something that looks like a movie doesn't mean we should. Sometimes if something looks too good, it's not funny. Some things need to look good, because we think it's funny that you'd spend so much time and be so precious about such a stupid idea.

The only reason I've ever had to wear a hat is to avoid skin cancer.

It is ironic to think that man might determine his own future by something so seemingly trivial as the choice of an insect spray.

How is the anxious soul of man befool'd in his desire, That thinks an hectic fever may be cool'd in flames of fire?

I think that you can make a drama and have it be intensely funny, and vice versa.

I've always been shocked that people that I'm actually flying with say, 'Oh, I feel safer on the plane with you.' I'm thinking, 'You must not watch the show because everybody around me gets killed.'

We chose it's name [Give the People What They Want] a while ago, long before the cancer. But I can't think of a more fitting title.

For I say this is death and the sole death,- When a man's loss comes to him from his gain, Darkness from light, from knowledge ignorance, And lack of love from love made manifest.

I think laughter comes because things are hardly working.