Amy Schumer Quotes

I conceived in art college at the age of 20, near the end of term.

I represented women with unplanned pregnancies from age 14 to 40, and they range from living in their car to living in the nicest neighborhoods in town.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was over the moon about it, but I was upset I wasn't married!

The girls I grew up with they're living normal, adult lives. So they call me now and they're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still react like, 'What are you going to do? I'll drive you, I guess.

The first time I got pregnant, I was a young girl - I was 17 years old. Although I knew right away that I wanted to keep my child, being a pregnant teen was an extremely scary experience for me. Luckily, my family and friends were very supportive and were there for me every step of the way.

My mother got pregnant with me at the age of fifteen. This was '64, and unheard of at that time.

Anything I shouldn't laugh at makes me laugh. I mean, I'm bad at that, when somebody is singing something terribly and I'm thinking to myself, 'If I laugh now, this is the absolute worst thing I could ever do,' and then I start laughing and I can't stop.

I've lived a fast-paced life, but I had the best childhood. I didn't miss out on anything by having my daughter at a young age.

My heart and prayers go out to all single moms because it's tough, and I can't imagine any teenager dealing with a baby and all those hormones raging.

I never went to college. I was pregnant at 23.

I think I'm a nervous laugher. Like, when you're in a situation that you don't know what's going on, you go to laughter more than anything.

I just felt very young and unprepared. I didn't know anyone who'd been pregnant, and I didn't know anyone who'd had a baby. Because everyone around me didn't really get it, I just kept on as though nothing was happening, even though I was slightly scared and throwing up everywhere.

When I told my mother I was pregnant, I thought she was going to have a heart attack.

She hugged me and I could feel the heat rise in my face, either from shame or love, like there was a difference.

Contempt mates well with pity.

I found myself both touched and irritated by the discovery that she was vulnerable.

People always say congratulations. When you're a successful bidder it means you're willing to spend more money than anyone else. I'm not sure if that's congratulations or condolences.

It was juvenile, he knew, this need to assign blame, but everyone had a right to childish emotions from time to time, didn't they?

One need hardly dwell on the catastrophic possibility of uttering a bantering remark only to discover it wholly inappropriate

....called to give you the good news. I asked our daughter to marry me and she accepted. Congratulations, I will officially your son-in-law. Now, do you want me to call you zmum straightaway, or wait until after the wedding?" I lew through the ir in a dive tht finally tackled him, wrenching the phone away. Bones was laughing so hard he had to breathe to get it all out. "Mom? Are you there? Mom.....?" "You might want to give her a moment, Kitten. I believe she fainted.

They found me at the kitchen table. Derek said, "There's something we need to tell you," and from the look on Andrew's face, I think he expected Derek to say he'd gotten me pregnant.

If somebody'd said before the flight, 'Are you going to get carried away looking at the Earth from the Moon?' I would have say, 'No, no way.' But yet when I first looked back at the Earth, standing on the Moon, I cried.

Heartbeat, why do you skip when my baby's lips meet mine?

Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes you yawn with boredom than something that will make you weep uncontrollably, pound your fists against the floor, and leave tearstains all over your pillowcase, sheets, and boomerang collection.

We should teach our children nothing which they shall ever need to unlearn; we should strive to transmit to them the best possessions, the truest thought, the noblest sentiments of the age in which we live.