Joe Jamail Quotes

I don't take myself seriously. Others should take me seriously, I don't.

I never said I was consistent.

Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.

I don't make any sense: I'm a germaphobe, but I'm really messy.

I think if we didn't contradict ourselves, it would be awfully boring. It would be tedious to be alive.

Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.

I like tea and yoga, but I don't do yoga.

Inconsistency is the only thing in which men are consistent.

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.

It's very strange that you condemn me as a terrorist at the same time as you call on me to help you combat terrorism in Iraq and elsewhere. It doesn't make sense!

I have seen great intolerance shown in support of tolerance.

I think I wear my hypocrisy on my sleeve. I would never say I'm not a complete hypocrite.

Rush Limbaugh advocating for objectivity is like Donald Trump advocating for humility.

I'm a walking contradiction. I am funny that way.

I feel like I'm always talking about myself, and I love not talking about myself.

They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds.

If there's one thing I don't look for in a maid, it's discretion. Except with my own secrets, of course.

Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.

What is ridiculous about human beings, Doctor,' the prince said, 'is actually their total incapacity to be ridiculous

The higher I get the lower I sink.

Irony is the word I forget the meaning of immediately after I look it up, but I kind of feel like I live in a constant state of it.

Who trades in contradictions will not be contradicted.

How art thou out of breath when thou hast breath To say to me that thou art out of breath?

Alas,we who wanted kindness, could not be kind ourselves.

I don't want to sound egotistical, but I'm egotistical to an extent.