Olivia Wilde Quotes

It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.

To be a trophy wife, you have to be a trophy. I am more of a commemorative plaque.

I was sitting in the back room by myself when someone came in and said, "Mr. Zimmer, I have to take you down to the make up room." I told them that if anyone can help this face they deserve a bonus.

Goat face is a horrible insult. My face is practically perfect in every way. In fact, from now on I demand to be called Beautiful Bryan.

I was going up to the bathroom and a woman asked me: "Have you a good memory for faces?" I asked why and she said: "Because there isn't a mirror up there."

No one knows how ungentlemanly he can look, until he has seen himself in a shocking bad hat.

Some magicians are rich, some are famous, some are stupidly good-looking.' Jamie gave Nick a rather complicated look. Nick raised an eyebrow. 'Some of us manage to be stupidly good-looking on our own.

I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

You know, I'm very photogenic.

I am but too conscious of the fact that we are born in an age when only the dull are treated seriously, and I live in terror of not being misunderstood.

What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh - comedy as electro shock therapy.

Nobody's safe, humor wise.

I never wear flats. My shoes are so high that sometimes when I step out of them, people look around in confusion and ask, "Where'd she go?" and I have to say, "I'm down here.

I, along with the critics, have never taken myself very seriously.

I loved being blonde. It's true, they have more fun, even when they're cannibalising their children.

Not only should we laugh about Hitler. We must laugh about him. Especially in Berlin.

The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor.

I thought about the nice clothes that I always wore. Well of course I did. I took pride in being the best dressed monster in Dade County.

Two weeks of killer sunburn is worth a lifetime of being gorgeous

America is such a paradoxical society, hypocritically paradoxical, that if you don't have some humor, you'll crack up.

Tommy told Sal about the strange white-cloth figure with black stitches that he had found on the front porch. "Sounds like Pillsbury Doughboy gone punk," Sal said.

What would we do without irony? Check out your own daily reliance on it, the foul-weather friend who's there for you when nothing else is.

Comedy is what happens when you cross the dateline from the unbearable. Things become so unbearable they become a joke.

Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.