Celia Rivenbark Quotes

Right now I don't call it the menopause, I call it men-on-pause.

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

Menopause. A pause while you reconsider men.

The menopause is probably the least glamorous topic imaginable; and this is interesting, because it is one of the very few topics to which cling some shreds and remnants of taboo. A serious mention of menopause is usually met with uneasy silence; a sneering reference to it is usually met with relieved sniggers. Both the silence and the sniggering are pretty sure indications of taboo.

My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flushes

The reason I wrote 'I'm Too Young for This!' is to spare young women the suffering of hormonal loss - and it is true suffering. You can't sleep, you gain weight for no reason, you bloat for no reason, your moods are altered, and your sex drive is diminished.

The literature of menopause is the saddest, the most awful, and the most medical of all genres. You're sleepless, you're anxious, you're fat, you're depressed - and the advice is always the same: take more walks, eat some kale, and drink lots of water. It didn't help.

Women know when they've got the menopause but men don't quite know. They know it afterwards.

I don't like any of it. I'm sick and tired of menopause.

I've always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.

In my case, when it arrived at 49, perimenopause was terrifying and like nothing I had ever before physically experienced.

I feel special. Most women will have only one menopause, and they will hate it. I will have two, and when the second one comes, I will know what is coming. I am having my extra menopause as a cure. I have endometriosis.

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.

One of them is already having some menopausal symptoms. I'm working on that. I'm giving them all little lines under the eyes, trying to sort of make them age gracefully.

I will not tolerate your menopausic outbursts.

I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man taps on the glass and says You using the phone? Nope, I'm superman, i am just looking for my costume. Here's your sign!

We are very lucky to be men because women have a terrible time getting older parts. It's much more difficult.

Mom says it's because she has PMS. Do you even know what that means? "I'm not a little kid anymore. It means pissed-at- men syndrome

Menopause, perimenopause, childbirth and breast-feeding can all cause a woman's sex drive to shut down.

I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."

I was slumped next to him. He didn't pay any attention to me, but kept snickering as he drove. It was annoying. I had PMS and a test this morning. Boy, had he picked the wrong girl.

Once a month, some women act like men act all the time.

The first indication of menopause is a broken thermostat. It's either that or your weight. In any case, if you don't do something, you could be dead by August. God, middle age is an unending insult.

…made me promise to cut down on the drinking and swearing, which I have. Unfortunately, this has left me dim-witted and nearly speechless.

Really, these wizards! You'd think no one had ever had a cold before! Well, what is it?" she asked, hobbling through the bedroom door onto the filthy carpet. "I'm dying of boredom," Howl said pathetically. "Or maybe just dying.