Dave Attell Quotes

I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I love the gays! Everyone needs a good gay man in their life.

I don't laugh that much, but I do like humorous books, and I like to entertain readers that way.

I heard David Sedaris read live recently which was a complete delight. Few writers make me laugh out loud on the bus. He does.

People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.

Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny.

I would sooner read a time-table or a catalogue than nothing at all. They are much more entertaining than half the novels that are written.

Of all the diversions of life, there is none so proper to fill up its empty spaces as the reading of useful and entertaining authors.

Reading 'The New Yorker' - I start on the last page and go backwards, reading all the cartoons. Then I read 'Shouts and Murmurs.' Then I read the reviews. Then I read the articles that immediately appeal to me.

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

I don't see the point of watching men exercise.

You should look up some of the reviews. The New York Times review is so over-the-top funny. It's hysterical. You should dig it out.

I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.

Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.". "I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!!" That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects!

[On the Dating Handbook] 'With a telescope, some munchies, and a warm blanket, watch for Halley's comet.' Yeah. I like that. There's no time limit. Just sit there and grow old together.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

I knew I wanted to be in show business so I took the path of least resistance. I loved comedy. But you never know you are funny until people laugh. It's just what I was interested in. I could make people laugh, I guess, but doing it at school and doing it onstage are very different things.

I always made people laugh, and everybody wanted me to sit at the table with them. I don't joke as much as I used to, but I can still be a little comedian every now and then.

I like comedies, and my brain sort of spins in that direction. So I'm really happy to say there were several smartass comments that come from me [on Star Wars].

People that want it to just be funny should not despair, because there is so much true crazy comedy coming up.

You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.

As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes. You're all happy at first, but then by the end, you're sick of 'em.

Anything has a rhythm to it, comedy or drama. There has to be a musicality to it. And everybody can't play the same instrument, ideally. But I think that we all have the same comedic tendencies, and that's why it works. We all sort of agree with what's funny.

[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.

I'm a huge fan of Adam Sandler and used to have Adam Sandler nights when I was younger. And he's so funny on the set.