Nick Offerman Quotes

I've never been arrested in my life. Never had cuffs put on me, never been charged with a crime, never spent one day in jail.

I've never been in trouble with the police.

We're not lawbreakers, we're law-abiding, and intend to stay that way.

Where there are laws, he who has not broken them need not tremble.

I don't do things that are illegal.

I've been a good boy, I've never really been convicted of serious crime.

All my life I have been under investigation.... I will just have to hire 200 more lawyers to keep me out of jail.

[Public] officials are becoming irate with charges made by those opposing Communists. If the officials are nearly or completely innocent, they will not be injured by false charges made against them.

I met Lalit Modi in London once. He had apprehensions regarding coming back to India, as his security was withdrawn. He was not worried about cases filed against him.

Chris Christie is New Jersey's concern, not America's.

Tom DeLay may or may not have broken campaign finance laws, but he did his best to look like he was breaking them.

A president who is concerned about an ongoing criminal investigation is almost inevitably going to do a worse job as president.

I think it's weird that people think someone who's not a politician could be the mayor of Chicago.

I have been urged by the earnest pleas of thousands of people to enter this race. Therefore, I hereby declare my candidacy for Mayor of Chicago.

I have never paid a policeman myself. I have never sanctioned, knowingly sanctioned, a payment to a police officer.

[Michael Flynn is] controversial among many people in the national security establishment, many people in the Republican mainstream. The thing about this appointment that, again, goes to me is most.

I think if you worked at the community level in Chicago and then a politician on the South Side of Chicago, and worked at the state level, then you're pretty familiar with all the variations of politics in the African American community and criticisms you may get. If you're not familiar with those or you don't have a thick enough skin to take it, then you probably wouldn't have gotten here.

The Clintons are criminals, remember that. They're criminals.

I just never get into trouble. It's not my thing.

I really don't miss the trials and courtroom appearances.

It is not the opinions or the vices of private individuals that are harmful to the State, but rather the behavior of public figures.

I have never injected myself or had anyone inject me with anything. I have not broken the laws of the United States or the laws of the Dominican Republic. I have been tested as recently as 2004, and I am clean.

If you want the law to leave you alone, keep your hair trimmed and your boots shined.

When I so pressingly urge a strict observance of all the laws, let me not be understood as saying there are no bad laws, nor that grievances may not arise, for the redress of which, no legal provisions have been made. I mean to say no such thing. But I do mean to say, that, although bad laws, if they exist, should be repealed as soon as possible, still while they continue in force, for the sake of example, they should be religiously observed.

I got sued more times than Martha Stewart.