Brett Ratner Quotes

Among the Internet's many gains for humanity, decreasing paranoia has not been one of them. Anything from that lump under your armpit to what's lurking in the sea - just type it into a search engine and watch your nerves explode.

I was a fat child; I was asthmatic. No wonder I'm a hypochondriac.

The Internet is a boon for hypochondriacs like me.

I'm the type to have a bullet-proof condom and still gotta pull out.

Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.

In the face of such overwhelming statistical possibilities hypochondria has always seems to me to be the only rational position to take on life.

One of the most widespread diseases is diagnosis.

I've either got an acute case of hypochondria or I'm falling apart at the age of twenty-three.

This is really the common mentality of prisoners: they read with great attention all the articles that deal with illnesses and send away for treatises and "be your own doctor" or "emergency treatments" and end up by discovering that they have at least 300 or 400 illnesses, whose symptoms they are experiencing.

Most of those evils we poor mortals know From doctors and imagination flow.

Check-ups are, in my experience, a grave mistake; all they do is allow the quack of your choice to tell you that you have some sort of complaint that you were far happier not knowing about.

I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.

As for being AIDS infested, I don't know yet, I'm too scared to get tested.

I had refused to pay any attention to the moral laws upon which all our vitality and sanity depend: and so now I was reduced to the condition of a silly old woman, worrying about a lot of imaginary rules of health, standards of food-value, and a thousand minute details of conduct that were in themselves completely ridiculous and stupid, and yet which haunted me with vague and terrific sanctions. If I eat this, I may go out of my mind. If I do not eat that, I may die in the night.

Wow," came a familiar voice, "Hypochondriac killed the cat." -Dess

Here are my Mommy Messages: Wear a condom and test your Molly.

If you don't do any self-examinations or see a doctor ever, you'll live forever. That's how you do it. The diagnosis is what gets you. You just have a don't ask, don't tell policy with any and all bodily functions.

Everything's a conspiracy and everything's not a conspiracy. You could look at this planet and go, "This is all a conspiracy. God made this to test us to see if we'll use the nukes." You can let your mind believe anything.

Let me tell you something about hypochondria: It's a pernicious, undermining little demon. It won't kill you, but it will sap the color from your life so that in the loveliest moments, the moments of grace, you are hit with that whisper in your ear that takes it all away. I'm sick, I'm dying - I just don't know it yet.

One of my favorite footnotes in the hypochondria book [The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death.] was about the death of one of the King Charleses. He was essentially bled and vomited to death by his doctors. They also drilled holes in his head.

Now, here is my definition of success: A few simple Disciplines practiced every day. Do you see the distinction? A few disciplines... Here's a little phrase we've all heard, An apple a day keeps the doctor away. And my question to you is, What if that's true? How simple and easy is that plan?

One correspondent, who is into psychology, notes that in his experience people who are hoplophobes are nearly always nutty in other ways, too. Hoplophobia [fear of guns], of course, is not simply an attitude but rather an aberration in which the sufferer clings to an idea which he himself knows to be unsound, such as the idea that inanimate instruments have a will of their own or that lawbreakers abide by the law.

The cancer I don't have is everywhere now.

I don't believe in superstitions. I just do certain things because I'm scared in case something will happen if I don't do them