David Cross Quotes

We've finally told the world that this is sports entertainment, and I think one of the best forms of entertainment is anything that's fun or funny, something that you really enjoy watching or listening to.

I think my books are lighter and funnier than some of the big series out there. You may not walk away from my books having learned a life-altering lesson, but you will feel better for having laughed for a few hours. It's just a different style of writing.

I actually like jokes as well as things that are sort of fun.

I would like a comedy. A comedy would be nice.

I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool, it was 30 seconds long. Because that's the maximum amount of time you can picture yourself having fun in an above-ground pool. If it was 31 seconds, the actor would say "The water is only up to here? What do I do now? Throw the ball back to Jimmy? Or put some goggles on and look at his feet?"

Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday.

I saw a guy juggling chain saws, it was cool, unless something needed to be sawed down, then it's annoying.

A funny person is funny only for so long, but a wit can sit down and go on being spellbinding forever.

It ought to be an offense to be excruciating and unfunny in circumstances where your audience is almost morally obliged to enthuse.

I gravitate towards anything that has a grain of comedy to it.

If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade.

So I watched the Pink Panther last night, and so I'm trying desperately to be funny, and then it's just not working out so good... I wonder if maybe I could've been a comedian or something like that, or maybe I could've been a doctor, then I wouldn't have to make anyone laugh.

I have to stop crying when I watch "The View". It's not because of the topics at hand, I just feel sorry for that couch.

Comedies are doing well because I think people want to laugh and not think about everything for a little bit.

I'm a goofball and a comedian.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

Why do all these people want [comedians] to be serious? The reason they want that is these are people who aren't funny. Anybody funny can be serious, but people who have no sense of humor, they can never be funny - and frankly, they're jealous. There's very few comic actors. Think about it. There aren't that many. It's hard because you have to be able to do both.

I can make people laugh at the drop of a dime. God's given me that ability.

Comedians usually are rooting for the underdog. I mean to take a shot at an underdog I think is really stupid and low and not funny.

I knew I wanted to be in show business so I took the path of least resistance. I loved comedy. But you never know you are funny until people laugh. It's just what I was interested in. I could make people laugh, I guess, but doing it at school and doing it onstage are very different things.

I always made people laugh, and everybody wanted me to sit at the table with them. I don't joke as much as I used to, but I can still be a little comedian every now and then.

I like comedies, and my brain sort of spins in that direction. So I'm really happy to say there were several smartass comments that come from me [on Star Wars].

People that want it to just be funny should not despair, because there is so much true crazy comedy coming up.

You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.

As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes. You're all happy at first, but then by the end, you're sick of 'em.