Henry Fox Quotes

You must pardon me, gentlemen, for being a most unconscionable time a-dying.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

I heard that chivalry was dead, but I think it's just got a bad flue.

I quite like it when I'm on the Tube and people offer me their seat. Sometimes I take it. The other day I was offered a seat by a pregnant lady. I thought, 'That's going a bit far.'

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. And if you do have to say it, make it really funny so I can screenshot it and save it for later.

And please don't call me that." I didn't call you 'that', I called you George Washington.

Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet.

The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion.

If you don't have humour, then you may as well nail the coffin lid down now.

Prithee don't screw your wit beyond the compass of good manners.

I don't want a tombstone. You could carve on it 'She never actually wanted a tombstone.'

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Oscar Wilde always makes me smile - with respect and admiration. His short stories prove that it is possible to be both sarcastic, even cynical, but deeply compassionate. Just seeing the cover of one of Wilde's books in a bookshop makes me smile.

What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, a loyal friend; provided, of course, he really is dead.

The one thing I've learnt is that you don't want to be nasty about anybody, unless they've dropped dead. And the annoying thing is that most of the people that I know who've dropped dead are really great.

I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

I think that what comes through in Chicago humor is the affection. Even though you're poking fun at someone or something, there's still an affection for it.

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded.

I've been called funny. I assume my wife thinks I'm funny. But generally, if you bumped into me and said hello, I would say hello back, politely. And that would be it.