Bob Saget Quotes

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

It's just something that's sort of funny, sort of not.

Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.

I really didn't say everything I said.

I was not a nice little girl. My favorite summertime hobby was stunning ants and feeding them to spiders.

I'm interested in people's darkness - and humor in the darkness.

I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

Gentlemen, include me out.

What's so funny 'bout peace, love, and world destruction?

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.

Wendy? Darling? Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in.

I was thinking that I might fly today. Just to disprove all the things you say... please be careful with me, I'm sensitive, and I'd like to stay that way.

Humor does not include sarcasm, invalid irony, sardonicism, innuendo, or any other form of cruelty. When these things are raised to a high point they can become wit, but unlike the French and the English, we have not been much good at wit since the days of Benjamin Franklin.

I did, however, manage to do it without hurting those dogs. Very considerate of me. Don't let it be said I'm not an animal lover-that wretched kitsune aside.

What would we do without irony? Check out your own daily reliance on it, the foul-weather friend who's there for you when nothing else is.

I didn't believe in systems. Everything human was imperfect and ultimately absurd. What did I believe in then? In humor. In laughing at systems, at people, at one's self. In laughing even at one's need to laugh all the time. In seeing life as contradictory, many-sided, various, funny, tragic, and with moments of outrageous beauty. In seeing life as a fruitcake, including delicious plums and bad peanuts, but meant to be devoured hungrily all the same because you couldn't feast on the plums without also sometimes being poisoned by the peanuts.

If letters had eyebrows, these would be arched.

The only way I'll really smile is if you cut me ear to ear.

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

I'm a barrel of monkeys, kid, though mostly I figure monkeys stuck in a barrel are just going to be pissed off.

You cannot laugh and be unkind at the same time

He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him.

Well," he said, "f’r example, if they ask where you’ve come from, you could say ‘Behind me,’and if they asked where you’re going, you’d say ‘In front of me.

Nothing sinister. Just getting exercise. Although some might consider that sinister.