Karl Pilkington Quotes

I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling.

I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.

I swam with my first shark in the 1980s. I was 20 miles off the coast of Rhode Island, working with a group of marine scientists. Late in the day, a 5-foot long blue shark swam into our chum slick. For the next hour, I marveled at the animal's stunning indigo color and the elegant way she moved effortlessly through the sea.

People come to me and say, 'What'll I do if I go in the water and see a shark?' You don't have to do anything. The chances of that shark attacking you in any way is so remote. The sea should be enjoyed, the animals in it. When you see a shark underwater, you should say, 'How lucky I am to see this beautiful animal in his environment!'

For a time, I believed not in God nor Santa Claus, but in mermaids. They seemed as logical and possible to me as the brittle twig of a seahorse in the zoo aquarium or the skates lugged up on the lines of cursing Sunday fishermen - skates the shape of old pillowslips with the full, coy lips of women.

Life is never quite like the brochure.

The road to the inn is much better than the stay.

Where great whales come sailing by, Sail and sail, with unshut eye, Round the world for ever and aye.

It's better not to know authors personally, because the real person never corresponds to the image you form of him from reading his books.

Sightseeing is the art of disappointment.

You aren't what I expected. I wish you were. It'd be so much easier.

A black-crowned night heron stood on an apron of wet sand, looking across the channel. The feather plume at the back of his head lifted in a faint breeze. Out there the channel churned its cyclonic eddies counterclockwise. Schools of anchovies, halibut, and sea bass came and went: silver flashes, small storms that well up from the inside of the sea but are short-lived, like lightning.

I hated the tests the raised hopes and failed expectations.

Even if you find him. Even if he didn’t leave you on purpose, he can’t possibly live up to the person you’ve built him into.

The worst case scenario is you really like someone's work, then you meet them and they're a self-involved, entitled douchebag.

Traveling is a fool's paradise. Our first journeys discover to us the indifference of places.

It turns out Dungeons & Dragons is much better on paper than it is in reality.

Even the best things are not equal to their fame.

Colin Farrel was recently asked about prostitutes and he said, It's like ordering a pizza. Really? What restaurant is he going to? All I ever get is a pizza... I guess in some ways it is - when it's delivered, it's never quite as hot as you hoped it would be.

One has no right to form ideals of people, and then, because they don't justify them, become bitter.

before one actually visits them, everyone tends to think of their favorite countries as one grand Disneyland filled with national monuments and historical treasures conveniently laid out for easy viewing, when what they really are filled with, of course, is people going to work, laundromats and places to buy rat poison.

I looked for great men, but all I found were the apes of their ideals.

When you're on the open sea and you drop 10, 12 feet and your stomach goes up around your neck - that's when you have problems.

Every real object must cease to be what it seemed, and none could ever be what the whole soul desired.