Jim Gaffigan Quotes

My childhood best friend is an anesthesiologist. It's the least amount of human interaction for a doctor. I don't think you can get that burned out on it.

I think we have to do everything that's useful. We're doctors. Our job is to tell the truth. And it doesn't have to be embellished in any way.

I tell everybody, no one understands how challenging and stressful practicing medicine is.

You wanted to become a doctor to help people and feel better at the end of your job, I think, watching them, as the nurse takes my hand. But I don't think you do feel better at the end of the day. You look like humans have constantly disappointed you.

I think if I had done anything else I would like to have been a doctor. This is the sort of polar opposition to being a writer, I suppose.

I wanted to be a doctor once upon a time, but it turns out you've got to study, and that wasn't going to happen. I had no idea what I was going to do. I had trouble holding jobs because they want you to be on time. That wasn't going to work.

Doctors and nurses do crazy hours and keep an ideal afloat through the love and care that they have for their craft and their patients and the institution of the NHS. We should be very proud of it.

I have a reverence for medicine because I hero-worshiped my father [a former doctor], and because I admire doctors, I admire study, empiricism and rational thought. I don't study, empiricize or think rationally myself - but I admire it in others.

I couldn't imagine working in a hospital where there's just death, everywhere. But for a lot of women, it was their only option. They couldn't get other jobs.

Doctors are busy playing God when so few of us have the qualifications. And besides, the job is taken.

My job is writing. I get paid to do it. When was the last time you heard someone challenge a doctor for making money off of cancer?

Doctors, dressed up in one professional costume or another, have been in busy practice since the earliest records of every culture on earth. It is hard to think of a more dependable or enduring occupation, harder still to imagine any future events leading to its extinction.

I'm a physician first and foremost. I will always be a physician.

I don't understand, given the constraints physicians have in doing their job and the paperwork demanded of them, why people want to be physicians. I think we've made it very, very difficult for them to perform their job. I think that's a shame.

The kind of doctor I want is one who when he's not examining me is home studying medicine.

I'm not even sure I like surgery, but I like what it does, I like the effects. I like to be able to give people longevity and quality of life, and I also think it's good for people to use the special gifts and talents that they have. And when I was in medical school, when I began to analyze the gifts and talents that I had, I realized that surgery would probably be a very good fit for me.

If you actually are a doctor and admitted it, you'd say, 'I don't cure a huge percentage, I don't have a 50 percent cure rate ... but I can have a 100 percent compassion rate'.

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee.

I don't think I would ever be a doctor, but the reason I majored in science was because you could become a civil engineer, you could become a biologist, you could become a computer scientist - that was the point of it. I had no idea what I wanted to do. In my last two years of high school here happened to be these few scripts that I really responded to. Eventually, I landed the job, and that was something that I felt transcended whatever other people would think of me.

The practice of medicine will be very much as you make it - to one a worry, a care, a perpetual annoyance; to another, a daily job and a life of as much happiness and usefulness as can well fall to the lot of man, because it is a life of self-sacrifice and of countless opportunities to comfort and help the weak-hearted, and to raise up those that fall.

I grew up with a real appreciation about just how wonderful and intimate the relationship is between a doctor and a patient was and the sense that this was a noble profession.

I hate doctors! They'll do anything... to keep you coming to them. They'll sell their souls. What's worse, they'll sell yours, and you never know it till one day you find yourself in hell.

Bren MacGuff: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.

Without question, the notion of the doctor as a legitimate fee-for-service entrepreneur, making his fortune from misfortunes of his patients, is old-fashioned, distasteful, and doomed.