Dave Barry Quotes

Streets full of water. Please Advise.

The fourth largest city in America is under water tonight and we don't know when we will see it again. We don't know how long it will take for the waters to subside.

People say after a fire it's water damage that's the worst. We're still drying out Windsor Castle.

I lose and find myself in the long water. I am gathered together once more.

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.

Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.

We have a long-standing tradition in this country to follow the advice of Senator Vandenberg, which is that politics ends at the water's edge.

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

How long can you tread water?

Like water leaking through a dam," said Piper. "Yeah," smiled Percy. "We've got a dam hole." "What?" Piper asked. "Nothing," he said. "Inside joke.

"I can talk to fish!" Angel said happily, water dripping off her long, skinny body. "Ask one over for dinner," Fang said, joining us.

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.

This did not annoy Amanda for it had long been her theory that human beings were invented by water as a device for transporting itself from one place to another.

Yes, I still take my baths all day long. They're meditative. I have three a day.

As an actor, those are the roles that you long for. You always want something that's going to kick your last role out of the water and put you off on a new path.

If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will you get wet?

I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

The biggest lesson I've learned . . . was that if you have all the fresh water you want to drink and all the food you want to eat, you ought never to complain about anything.

There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?

Earth has scarcely an acre that does not remind us of actions that have long preceded our own, and its clustering tombstones loom up like reefs of the eternal shore, to show us where so many human barks have struck and gone down.

God is infinite and without end, but the soul's desire is an abyss which cannot be filled except by a Good which is infinite; and the more ardently the soul longeth after God, the more she wills to long after him; for God is a Good without drawback, and a well of living water without bottom, and the soul is made in the image of God, and therefore it is created to know and love God.

Madness will push you anywhere it wants. It never tells you where you're going, or why. It tells you it doesn't matter. It persuades you. It dangles something sparkly before you, shimmering like that water patch on the road up ahead. You will drive until you find it, the treasure, the thing you most desire. You will never find it. Madness may mock you so long you will die of the search. Or it will tire of you, turn its back, oblivious as you go flying. The car is beside you, smoking, belly-up, still spinning its wheels.

True, I've been a long time making up my mind, but now I'm giving you a definite answer. I won't say yes, and I won't say no - but I'm giving you a definite maybe.