Al Green Quotes

My mother was the sweetest lady who ever lived on this planet, but if you tried to tell her that Jesus wasn't a Christian, she would stomp you to death.

I don't take myself seriously. Others should take me seriously, I don't.

I went to a shrink once, but I caught him going to a fortune-teller so I quit.

I'm an atheist and I thank God for it.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel peace prize.

I usually agree with Rush Limbaugh; therefore I usually don't listen to him.

Getting a moral lecture from the fashion industry is like Jeffrey Dahmer criticising your diet.

If you drugged me with truth serum and said I can only do one thing, I would probably have to say that I would be an actor in the theater. And then I would have you arrested for drugging me.

there is enough treachery, hatred violence absurdity in the average human being to supply any given army on any given day and the best at murder are those who preach against it and the best at hate are those who preach love and the best at war finally are those who preach peace

I never said I was consistent.

Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.

It's funny - people think analysis or psychiatry is mad, and THEY go to CHURCH.

America is such a paradoxical society, hypocritically paradoxical, that if you don't have some humor, you'll crack up.

I give good advice. I do not always take it.

A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he was offered a job as President Obama's economic adviser.

Please don't think me negligent or rude. I am both, in effect, of course, but please don't think me either.

This is getting funny, but there ain't nobody laughing.

I like both slapstick and contradiction. Like philosophers.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

I'm in a class by myself, along with people like Rod Stewart.

I dont like quotes. You can quote me on that.

I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

I am a fool, I know it; and yet, Heaven help me, I'm poor enough to be a wit.

The devil is not, indeed, perfectly humorous, but that is only because he is the extreme of all humor.