Frankie Boyle Quotes

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

I like my women very green; you know, eco-friendly.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Women are systematically degraded by receiving the trivial attentions which men think it manly to pay to the sex, when, in fact, men are insultingly supporting their own superiority.

There is no excuse for making disrespectful and demeaning comments about women.

If your pussy was so good, you would drive a better car.

Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men... I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. No? That one, you don't believe it? You believe that I didn't do a series of tests? You are right to not believe it, because I'm going to go ahead and admit that I do not believe what I just said, it was what's described as a 'joke.' Um, I'll be telling a bunch of them here tonight.

Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.

Beulah has a husband?' I know. It's a miracle. There can't be more than two people on the planet who'd be willing to sleep with her, and here we are both in the same town.

The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'

When I talk to a man, I can always tell what he's thinking by where he is looking. If he is looking at my eyes, he is looking for intelligence. If he is looking at my mouth, he is looking for wisdom. But if he is looking anywhere else except my chest he's looking for another man.

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass.

If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.

It's not my fault all women like motorcycles, Murph. They're basically huge vibrators. With wheels.

It's certainly easy to mock some things ... Oddly enough though I've never found it easy to mock anything of value. Only things that are tawdry and fatuous - perhaps it's just me.

Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?

I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

Sometimes I forget how much I like riding the bike." Most chicks do," I said. "Roar of the engine and so on." Murphy's blue eyes glittered with annoyance and anticipation. "Pig. You really enjoy dropping all women together in the same demographic, don't you?" It's not my fault all women like motorcycles, Murph. They're basically huge vibrators. With wheels.