Demetri Martin Quotes

If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.

You can build a throne with bayonets, but it's difficult to sit on it.

Maturity does not always come with age; sometimes age comes alone.

Of all the self-fulfilling prophecies in our culture, the assumption that aging means decline and poor health is probably the deadliest.

I laughed more in the hospital than I ever have in my life, making fun of all the weird things that were happening to me.

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Every experience in your life is being orchestrated to teach you something you need to know to move forward.

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

Some wounds cut us so deep that they stop us. Stop us from letting go, from growing up, from seeing the truth.

You need to take the traumas and make them part of who you've come to be, and you need to fold the worst events of your life into a narrative of triumph, evincing a better self in response to things that hurt.

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

Grief can have a quality of profound healing because we are forced to a depth of feeling that is usually below the threshold of awareness.

Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic.

If I hadn't been told I was garbage, I wouldn't have learned how to show people I'm talented. And if everyone had always laughed at my jokes, I wouldn't have figured out how to be so funny. If they hadn't told me I was ugly, I never would have searched for my beauty. And if they hadn't tried to break me down, I wouldn't know that I'm unbreakable.

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.

A new wound makes all the old ones ache again.

Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win

Forgive the person who badly hurt you long ago and also the stranger who stepped on your toe in the grocery store.

I started playing music when I was 18. My heart was just broken so badly that I decided that I really wanted to start playing music. It felt like the only thing that I could do in response to that. And I've been playing ever since.

When you leave college, there are thousands of people out there with the same degree you have; when you get a job, there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you are the only person alive who has sole custody of your life.

A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, said Jojen. The man who never reads lives only one.

When your back is against the wall, there is only one thing to do, and that is turn around and fight.

Those wounds stay with you, and you turn them into a language and a purpose.