Jeff Dunham Quotes

If I swim in the ocean, I have a shark thought. Not a bad one, but just a little one.

We made part of the record in Miami, and I would go down to the beach, and not 20 feet from the water I see a fish that is at least seven feet long swimming close to the shore. I did not go back in the ocean the entire month.

Sharks freak me out.

I am actually terrified of sharks; it is my number-one fear.

I've swam with great white sharks.

I am terrified of sharks, so I don't surf!

Fall mountains, just don't fall on me.

I'm actually very scared of sharks. I wanted to be a marine biologist when I was young, which may not have been compatible with that fear.

I'm afraid of sharks - but only in a water situation.

Were the diver to think on the jaws of the shark, he would never lay hands on the precious pearl.

I'm scared of heights and I'm scared of the ocean.

What scares me? Bears. And sharks. And my girlfriend.

I'm not real good at surfing, and I'm terrified of sharks. That's, like, one of my main fears. Snakes, sharks, deep water, and commitment. I think those are my four big ones.

Mountains are not fair or unfair - they are dangerous.

We had a cabin in the mountains - and I remember, one year around this time, a moose came down the river, and one night he came to our cabin and hung out on the back porch for hours. They're really, really, really big animals. And dangerous, especially if they're a momma.

In the sea you've got to be constantly sort of alert. It's worse in the sea [than anywhere else in the animal kingdom]. In the sea you've got an enemy behind every rock.

And I'm wondering where the lions are.

I wanted a shark that's big enough to eat you, and in a large enough amount of liquid so that you could imagine you were in there with it.

Get used to the bear behind you.

I thought Big Sur would be a great break after the tour. You'd walk down this rickety ladder to this not-very-pretty beach scene; crashing waves, moss-covered rocks, weird ocean life. It was scary. It summed up alot of things in my life, like 'I should be enjoying this, but I'm not.

Oh my goodness, I hate camping. I am like Frida times 1,000. I have always been attracted to wilderness stories, à la the movie Badlands, when Sissy Spacek and Martin Sheen are in the woods on the lam - maybe because it scares me a little.

Something brushed his leg, and he gazed down into the face of Pippi Tucker. The theme from Jaws raced through his head.

What do they say about meeting a bear in the woods? Oh right, you shouldn't. And to make sure you don't, you should make a lot of noise so that they'll will know where you are and keep their distance because, supposedly, they're as nervous of us as we are of them. Which is all goo, except this bear doesn't seem the least bit nervous. He's giving me a look like I'm Goldilocks, ate his porridge, broke his chair, slept in his bed, and now it's payback time."- Widdershins

I think there is something very interesting about people who live day to day in an environment where they could get taken out by a wild animal. There has to be some kind respect that is derived from that relationship.

The mountains have always been here, and in them, the bears.